There is this miserable feeling that everyone has experienced at least once before. It’s the feeling when deep down, you know you are behind. You got a “B” on that test you studied so hard for, whereas the student next to you earned an “A.” You were left out of the plans once again because they just assumed you wouldn’t want to come.
You are behind everyone in the race as they sprint ahead to the finish line. And as you gaze upon whoever holds the trophy for first place, you can’t help but wonder to yourself: What did I do to place in second?
“Always” and Nothing More
Society has coined multiple phrases that pinpoint this exact feeling; VALLEY addresses them as the “always” labels. Your best friend started dating the guy she had been seeing for a few months. You, on the other hand, scroll mindlessly through Hinge every night. “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.”
Your older brother received a promotion at his job, earning enough money to move into his dream apartment. Your parents have never been more proud, reminding you that your life could be much better if you acted like him. “Always an angel, never a God.”
It’s “always” this or “always” that. This box that you have forced yourself into has convinced you to believe that there is no other alternative. No matter how hard you try, there is the nagging feeling that you will always remain the way you are now.
Comparison is The Thief of Joy
The truth is that society will always compare and contrast with one another. It’s human nature. Everyone becomes so comfortable with their own world that another’s can completely distort what they have right in front of them.
But, that’s also the best part about this nauseating feeling: everyone feels like a second choice.
Chances are, that friend of yours envies the fact you can stay single and enjoy life as it is. They might be in love, but they definitely don’t have the time to enjoy being alone like you do. Your brother may be jealous of how you have already accomplished so much at such a young age.
It’s not just your close friends or relatives. Walking along campus, there are hundreds of Penn State students, mentally berating themselves for never being “enough” every single day. This feeling might seem isolating until you take a step back to look at the bigger picture.
We’re All Winners (And Losers)
As mentioned earlier, the true reason that you’re the second choice is not because you actually are. It’s because you’re convinced you always will be.
Once you realize there is more to your character than what you have “always” been, you start to see that you’re not the second choice. That student next to you earned a “C” in another class. Your friends may have left you out, but your roommate had been hoping to catch up with you anyway.
The people you admire so much suffer from their own faults, just like you do. Do you consider them to be a second choice? The competition you have built in your head does not measure your friends and family by their flaws. It especially does not measure yours, either.
At the end of the day, you might be someone’s second choice. But you’re also someone’s first. You will always manage to be someone’s first choice. Tweet us at @VALLEYmag on X if you have ever felt like a second choice.
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