Ah, the dreaded third wheel. “Just come with us, it will be fun.” Said no third wheel ever. Every “single” person knows the regret of “intruding” when they decide to “tag along” with a couple. But what’s worse than being a third wheel? Being your best friend’s third wheel.
So, your best friend just got a boyfriend. Yikes. Of course, you’re happy for your bestie, but it’s okay to feel like you’re being pushed aside for their new significant other. However, VALLEY is not here to villainize, we understand both sides of the story here. Trust that your bestie is not doing this on purpose because we’re all guilty of having those rose-colored glasses on when we like someone and it’s never intentional.
Feeling Alienated
It can feel super lonely when someone you’re attached to at the hip gets into a relationship. Things you would constantly do together are now things that they do with their boyfriend instead. You’re essentially now sharing and or competing for time with your bestie and it’s certainly not fun.
Things like this happen all the time not just in romantic relationships, but even between friendships. It’s synonymous with the feeling you get when you introduce your friend to someone new and then they end up becoming closer than you two ever were ultimately pushing you to the outskirts.
The worst part about it all is you just have to smile and nod because you don’t want to upset your friend. It’s this back-and-forth feeling of frustration versus happiness. By all means you’re happy for your friend but it can be an adjustment to share time with someone you once had to yourself. But you know what they say, “sharing is caring, right?”
Giving Your Bestie Space
More importantly, you don’t want to suffocate or be too needy towards your bestie. You want to make sure you give them that space to develop into their relationship, but sometimes all you want is alone time with them. This is where friendships often tend to butt heads when one side starts dating someone new. In a perfect world you would both have partners and things would be easy, but unfortunately, this is reality.
Knowing When To Speak Up
Nonetheless, you want to make sure you’re speaking up and telling your friend when certain things upset you. As much as “people pleasing” has its pros, it most definitely has its cons. If they aren’t aware of how you’re feeling this can end up making things worse for your friendship in the long run. If you’re upset with how you’re bestie has been distant and isn’t making time for you, tell them that. Communication makes all the difference.
Jealousy, Jealousy
No one prepares you for how lonely it can feel and comparison is probably the worst part of the whole situation. When your bestie is in “boyfriendlandia” you can feel invisible. It’s the epitome of waving to someone you think is waving at you but it’s really the person behind you. You find yourself a little bit jealous and start wondering why you don’t have a significant other as well. That’s okay, jealousy is natural. But under no circumstance should you make this known to your best friend.
Flipping the Narrative
Per contra, we’re going to put the shoe on the other foot in this instance. We know, sorry hate to break it to you, but you’re not perfect. A new relationship is not easy. Balancing time in general is hard for anyone, so give your bestie some room for grace. If roles were reversed you’d want them to do the same. The best thing you can give to someone is support. Be that friend for them regardless of how you feel about their partner.
When You’re at Different Stages
It can also be difficult when you’re “single and ready to mingle” and they’d rather stay in with their significant other. That’s perfectly normal in a relationship but it’s a lot easier if you’re both single. When you’re at different stages it can be challenging to be on the same page with one another and have the same desires when it comes to going out on the weekends. By virtue, most people in a relationship aren’t grasping at straws to go out to the bars every weekend when they’re tied down.
As the dazzling and outspoken Jo March from Little Women once said, “Life is too short to be mad at one’s sisters.” Having a best friend means supporting them through thick and thin, even when you are at different points in your life. Try to quiet those voices of alienation and be happy for your bestie the same way they’d be happy for you.
Have you ever experienced your bestie getting a boyfriend? Let us know your thoughts by tweeting us @VALLEYmag on Twitter!
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