Friendships play a vital role in our lives. They provide laughter, trust and unconditional love. Navigating college with friends by your side is the foundation of your college experience. However, relying too heavily on friends for everyday tasks can sometimes hinder your personal growth and self-reliance. This can lead to codependency.
VALLEY explored the importance of balancing friendships while embracing solitude and here’s what we found.
What is Codependency?
According to Psychology Today, Codependency is a “dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of ‘the giver,’ sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, ‘the taker.”
During the college transition, it’s normal to form close bonds with people. It can be a vulnerable time in your life where you can slowly become attached to your friends. While it is not a bad thing to spend time with your friends, it is important to prioritize your well-being. College is an opportunity to discover yourself and explore different interests.
Identify areas of codependency
Start by making a list of the areas in which you tend to rely on your friends the most. Perhaps every time you eat on campus, you text a friend because you can’t bear the thought of sitting alone. Or when it’s time to study or work, your roommate tags along because you don’t want to look alone.
Create Your Own Habits
College gives you the freedom to create your own schedule. A helpful tip is to recognize activities you enjoy that you can do alone. This might be eating breakfast by yourself, exploring the town you live in, exercising, or meditation. You can set a 1-hour goal or choose an activity to do by yourself. Adding one habit to your daily routine can increase your well-being and enjoy quiet time alone.
Clearing Your Mind
By doing breathing exercises or connecting with nature, you will be benefiting your mental, physical and emotional being. It is common to push away your thoughts for a period of time, but it is important to relax your mind to gain clarity for your emotions and be present.
Exploring New Interests and Setting Personal Goals
You’re going to find student organizations that your friends will be interested in too. However, take time to explore your interests and passions. Ask yourself what is something you have always wanted to try and attend a student organization, club or sports team centered by it. Define what personal goals you want to achieve during your college experience. Seek out what is important and what will be impactful for you!
Don’t Be Afraid To Say No
Everyone has a guilty feeling after they say no to a friend. This choice often leads to the “fear of missing out.” It’s hard to say no once in a while but this can help prevent stress and burnout. Saying no is not a harsh decline, remember that you can always reschedule with another proposed activity. If you are looking to become more independent, it is also key to communicate with your friends about how you are feeling. Your friends might also feel like they need to venture on their own.
Solo Adventures
Don’t hesitate to embark on solo adventures. Whether it’s traveling, attending events, or exploring the campus, experiencing things on your own can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to rely on your own judgment and decision-making skills. You’re able to learn something new about yourself.
Solitude Does Not Equate To Loneliness
Solitude and loneliness do not need to go hand in hand. Being alone helps build inner peace. You can enjoy being alone and active without being lonely. Solitude can help you notice things that you might have never noticed with others. Your habits give you the opportunity to enjoy being alone while still balancing friendship.
What are activities that you enjoy doing by yourself? Let us know @VALLEYmag on Twitter or Instagram!
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