The Single Girls of State: The Fundamentals of *Not* Caring

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Ladies, listen up. In the last two weeks I have had a breakthrough. When it comes to dating, everyone always says the secret is to “not care”. Personally, this has always felt like bullshit. I added this phrase to my “things hot people in relationships tell us so we don’t feel so bad about ourselves” folder of my brain and wrote it off as nonsense. I accepted that not caring was something that I was not capable of. I mean I have only ever talked to one boy at a time and proceeded to cry like a baby when said boy left me on read. It was a vicious cycle, but I was in deep. I don’t know what it was about Valentine’s Day this year, but it felt like the perfect time to stop doing both of those things!

In terms of dating, I was at rock bottom (as you all know). I saw a TikTok last week that said something along the lines of, “being single is a choice, so lower your standards or stop complaining,” which felt like a direct attack… but moving on. I knew it couldn’t possibly be worse, so I decided to just go for it. The night of the Super Bowl, I swiped right (a lot), made myself a baddie playlist and thought to myself, “what the hell, let’s try this.”

I woke up on the morning of February 14th, made my coffee and checked my dating apps (as one does). It was at this point that I realized I had been asked out on a date by one of my new matches. It had been a few months since I was last asked out, so this was pretty exciting. A few hours later, a guy who I’ve known for a while sent me a text asking to get coffee. At this point you could say I was feelin’ myself. Then, after posting a photo on the gram, I was asked out on a third date. 

I absolutely have no idea what triggered this sporadic day of unmitigated attention from the opposite sex, but who am I to question it? When life gives you lemons…right? And so, I made plans to go out with the guy who asked me out first. As I started talking to bachelor number one, I was shocked by how mature he was. He asked for my phone number, answered back in minutes and made it very clear he wanted to get to know me. I realized then that this whole “not caring” thing was working. The only way that I can describe it — like turning your “Vampire Diaries” humanity switch off. I had no plans on going back. 

I spent the week talking to multiple guys and learning a lot. During this time I realized that when I didn’t answer a text, they were double and triple texting me back. When I wouldn’t hang out, all of a sudden they were looking to get coffee, and when I just wasn’t that into them, they were just that into me. 

I am unsure if my newfound confidence is the result of a radioactive spider bite or just the universe’s way of throwing me a bone — but I’ll take it. You see, I think that when people say “don’t care so much”, what they really mean is “care more about yourself”. Because even though the attention I have been getting this week was nice, it would be nothing without the work I have been putting into appreciating myself lately.

My advice to everyone this week is go for it, and toggle off the switch that tells you you aren’t good enough for Chad or Brett or whoever has you feeling that way (because there are others) and to remember that you are a baddie. The fundamentals of *not* caring are that simple.

What’s your secret to dating? DM us, @valleymag, on Instagram and tell us! Until next week, my loves!


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