You’ve finally found her — the one you’ve been looking for all along. Her bright colors and grungy but cute Y2K silhouette is sure to become the crown jewel of your closet. You tend to say that to every item you thrift, but they don’t need to know that! Well, your vintage clothes have been keeping some secrets from you, too — their past. A past that doesn’t include you (sorry). In fact, they all had established lives before you even met, so maybe it’s time you learn a little more about them, from them.
Hey there! It’s me, your favorite pair of blue Levi jeans you thrifted online two years ago. Just letting you know, I’m actually a world traveler. Kind of like “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” but less tacky. Back in the 80s, I road-tripped in a Chevy pickup truck and went across the country just for the thrill. I’m here for a crazy time, so stop wearing me to class or other boring activities and start thinking of me as your adventure pants — I beg of you.
Darling, I was the prized possession of Gloria Vanderbilt in the 1950s. Not exactly sure how I came to be in your possession, but I was once worn and adorned all over the world amongst fashion designers, heiresses and socialites. I consider myself royalty, and as such, I demand more respect. Throwing me aside with your other wooly scarves and bunching me up with these disgusting materials is offensive. Have you no respect for art? For French culture? The next time you try to wear me, just know that it’s not how Gloria would do it. You will never measure up.
Brown Cowboy Vest
Howdy! I used to be a favorite Halloween costume among the kids because I made the perfect piece for a homemade cowboy costume. I love that you wear me out so much, I’m used to only being worn one day a year! But, I didn’t realize Halloween costumes suddenly became a trend? Unless it’s just you.
So, I know you found me at Goodwill like two months ago and you were super proud of your find, but I have to be honest with you — I was made last year. Listen, the guy who owned me before got confused by the graphic, so he gave me up. Please still accept me. I am a baby. Thank you.
Dickies Work Pants
I know I’m technically called “work pants” but I’m only ever worn off-duty with you. What’s your deal? I used to be worn every day to work by my former owner. He was the boss of a local construction company in the 90s. I was a part of the CEO’s attire for goodness sake! Do you not think I’m serious enough? Am I a joke to you?
I’m your breezy, easy, (favorite) going-out skirt! I used to rock it up at nightclubs in the 2000s. One time, I was at the same club as Paris Hilton and she looked down at me and said, “hm.” I couldn’t believe she actually noticed me! But, after that, no one wanted to wear me for a super long time which made me really upset. I mean, I haven’t stopped crying for 10 years. Not until you finally wore me last Friday!