The 8 Basic Rules of How Not to Be Totally Basic

Obrien_BasicbitchDear Basics,

You are the average girls; the ones who try too hard, the braggers, complainers, the lazy chicks and the pretentious chicks. Maybe you are withdrawn and reserved because you are not confident in the beautiful woman you are or self-conceited and overly self-assured because too often you get away with things. Perhaps, you are just way too average for anyone to notice you. This is for all the ladies who fall into one of these categories, needs a good laugh, or is just so damn tired of being, well… basic.

Rule #1: Learn how to dress thyself

Basic chicks are the girls you see trying to wear the trendiest outfits but don’t actually look good in them. In the words of Edna Woolman Chase, “Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess.” Usually this chick is wearing every new trend from head-to-toe and looks like she just went on a safari through the Great Depression—never mind finding out she’s wearing a $300 Free People sweater and a designer fedora. Another type of basic chick is one who leaves even a close proximity of her house sporting Hollister or Abercrombie past the age of 11. Enough said. Girls, wear what looks good on your body and you will look and feel more confident than ever.

Rule #2: Smile, please

Basic chicks don’t smile. Whether they are being a “basic” while walking to class, or are getting introduced to a new group of people, they refuse to crack a smile. Be friendly and people might just start liking you. On the other hand, if you find yourself constantly surrounded by unhappy people, find new friends. Basic chicks are usually always with the same group of girls, don’t branch out, and gossip about everyone (including each other). Don’t put yourself through that misery. Remember, happy girls are the prettiest girls.  -Audrey Hepburn

Rule #3: Work Out

It does not matter if you are 200 pounds or 95 pounds, if you have gorgeous curves or you are a size A-cup, basics don’t know how to work out. Don’t be one of them. If you are basic, you either don’t work out, or you don’t know how to work out. The secret to not being a basic chick is doing cardio + strength training. It’s impressive and very un-basic if a chick can run fives miles and then go squat, lift weights, or my favorite: make it through a high intensity power flow yoga class.  So ladies, get your gluts to the gym.

 Rule #4: Walk with your head up

Basic chicks are insecure with themselves. They cause drama, spread gossip, betray friends, fight, lie and cheat. In the wise words of Drake, “Smart girls try to live away from the drama-filled life. Smart girls know their worth, now that’s the one’s worth keeping by your side.” Basic chicks live for drama, cool chicks don’t care for it. So enjoy life. Spend time with family, spend time with the people who treat you right, and be confident in the woman you are.

“Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated.”

Rule #5: Learn how to apply make-up

Oh basics… first of all, eyeliner does not go on the inside of your eye, it lines your eye. For goodness sake, watch a few YouTube tutorials, or walk up to a make-up counter at the mall and learn how to apply make-up. It is God’s blessing to females. You do not need to bake your skin or wear an immense amount of bronzer to feel prettier. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Rule #6: Give a Helping hand

Basic chicks have few redeemable qualities. They are constantly worried about how they look, whom they are hanging out with (or not hanging out with), and don’t give a darn about giving back to the community. Even if it is holding the door open for someone in your building, thanking your professor at the end of class for teaching you something new, or pushing your shopping cart back to the little cart holder in the parking lot, give a helping hand. Making the smallest adjustment in your schedule can make a world’s difference for someone else.

Rule #7: Work Hard, Stay Humble

If you don’t want to be a basic chick, you have to set your morals straight. Figure out what is important to you in life. Is it dressing up to impress someone? Dating someone so you don’t feel so alone? Treating people differently because of the way they look? Yes, it is important to work hard in life and achieve your goals, but you don’t have to show off your wealth or every new purchase to the world if you did not truly work hard to receive it. Stay humble.

“Climb mountains not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.”

Rule #8: It’s okay to be a hot mess, not a drunk mess

From time to time every chick goes through a period of feeling like a hot mess. Maybe you’re feeling bloated, your hair is a few days past dirty, or you are in-and-out of a pointless relationship – it’s OK. You are just a hot mess. That can be fixed with a quick shower, or change of heart. On the other hand, you cannot, in any shape or form, be a drunken mess on a weekly basis –or ever. Yes, many college girls drink more often in the four years they are at school than they probably ever will, but that does not mean it’s okay to ever be slur-your-words, blackout wasted. Let us all unite, take sips of water in between drinks and make our parents proud.

Whether you learned anything from these eight rules or not, there is one piece of advice we should all remind ourselves of. Maybe you’ve read it in a book, heard it at church, or took a glimpse at it before chowing down on a fortune cookie: life is a beautiful blessing. It really is.

Don’t let the days pass you by or allow passive-aggressive anger to make decisions for you. Be grateful for every morning you wake up and every night you are tucked into your warm bed. Be a happy girl and you will make others happy. And most of all…

Don’t be basic.

Yours truly,
A basic herself

Photo by Alex O’Brien

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