Call It Delayed Gratification: Waiting to Give Up Your V-Card

Photo posted by @zoella on Instagram

It’s a rarity to find someone who still has their V-Card, and there’s no shame whether you’ve given it up or not. You’ll be ridiculed if you give it up and you’ll be ridiculed if you don’t. Today, society has molded sex into something more of a formality and less about intimacy. But who’s to say that waiting doesn’t have its benefits?

Sex is the thing that you either tiptoe around or jump right into. It’s a very controversial subject, and understandably so. With hookup culture today, the ideals behind virginity have come to feel so passé. You go on your phone, swipe right, meet up with a guy, go over to his house and the rest is history — everything is casual. Sometimes it’s like a game to find your latest conquest. Once you do, you nail that girl or jump that guy’s bones, you tell your friends and you move on to the next.

Now relationships: that’s where it gets tricky. You have to worry about exclusivity, emotional attachment, physical attachment and intentions. Sometimes it just seems easier to satisfy your desires and move along. 

Essentially, everyone has their own rationale. You might not see sex as some big important thing. You might just do it for the satisfaction you feel. You might have reached the point where you’re ready and comfortable enough in a relationship. Or, you simply might find sexual compatibility to be too important to ignore.

Then there are those who have a sex drive but choose not to act on it. Waiting might be an important value in your religion. You might not have met someone worthy enough. Or you just might have certain beliefs and standards about waiting for the right person but you’ve yet to find them. Before you go knocking down the virgins of the world, there are benefits.

Establish Intimacy
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When you think about sex, for the most part, it can be agreed that it leads to a degree of intimacy, whether it be emotional or physical. For the virgins of the world, not engaging in sex allows for the opportunity to establish trust in a relationship, getting to know someone on a more intentional and emotional level so that when the time does come, physical intimacy might be easier, and the gratification that comes from your emotional attachment may prove to be stronger.

Improve Your Relationship
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Virginity can be the key to improving your relationship with — yourself and your partner. By not having sex, you really get to know yourself. What turns you on and what doesn’t, which leads to what your boundaries are and what you really want out of your relationship. With your partner, you can spend more time getting to know each other, communicating with each other and finding out if there is a connection worth pursuing. It’s a sure-fire way to know if your relationship is going anywhere or not. Some people just aren’t emotionally available, and once you cut out the sex, you know if you have yourself a runner or a keeper. 

Reduce Stress
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Without a doubt, you save yourself some stress. If you’re honest with your partner from the beginning and you’re both on the same page, the stressful thoughts associated with sex are reduced for the time being. You can work on your commitment to each other and establish focus in your relationship. Besides, the anticipation might just make the end result more worthwhile.

Boost Romance
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Contrary to popular belief, you might actually create more romance. No sex may promote more creativity and spontaneity in your relationships. You can do things the other person likes, getting to know more about each other in a way that focuses on emotional development and attachment all while having fun! Sex can be so serious, and sometimes more of a disappointment than a romantic experience, so finding things to do where you can be present with your partner in a nonsexual way may just spark romance in ways that sex can’t. Some might even find the sexual tension to be fun and exciting too.

Improve Happiness in Marriage
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In the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology, married couples took an assessment called “RELATE.” Couples who waited until marriage reported better communication, sex and happier relationships. That’s not to say that if you’re a virgin you’re also waiting until marriage, but if you are, science backs the benefit.

Lead to Clear Intentions
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Sexual involvement can be a tricky concept and can lead you to feel a connection, which we as humans naturally crave. But virginity focuses on not engaging in the sexual aspects of connection. It allows you to be intentional about what it is you really want, what you’re red flags are and what your standards are. Knowing this makes dating decisions easier. By having your own set of intentions from the start, and through discovering someone else’s, you can go in knowing you weren’t wanted just for sex.

Save You From Getting Hurt
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Though sex is a good thing, it can sometimes be harmful in a relationship. Some relationships focus more on sex and less on the relationship itself. Leave the sex out, however, and you have an opportunity to establish feelings and figure out if they’re worth pursuing or if what you had was just a spark. This saves you from getting hurt much faster than if you had let your sexual relations cloud your judgment regarding the status of your relationship. It also saves you from having an underdeveloped relationship that begins passionately and quickly burns out.

Save Time
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A common goal in life is to fall in love with someone and get married. To find a companion to do life with. But if your relationships are only sexually driven, you’re taking up the time that you could have to be in a healthy, long-term relationship with someone else that can result in a more gratifying and intimate sex life.

One Less Distraction
Photo posed by @zoella on Instagram

The life of a virgin can be one accompanied by clarity. You may have chosen to be a virgin, or your timing just hasn’t come yet. But leave out the relationships and the sex that comes with them…and it’s just you. You can completely eliminate the distractions that come from the interplay between sex and relationships or being someone’s booty-call and instead focus on yourself. You can make time to work on becoming the person you want to be, pursuing the things you want to pursue and doing the things that make you happy. You can’t establish a healthy relationship if you haven’t figured out who you are. You may not even want a relationship and if you don’t, more power to you, because you don’t need one. All you need is you!

Virginity has its perks. No one said it would be easy, but the wait can be fun—and the gratification may just be worth it.


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