Your Spring 2024 PSU Wrapped

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Alas, another semester is drawing to a close in Happy Valley. As we lay on a beach towel on HUB lawn in the newly sunny weather, we can’t help but ponder the last four months. Between classes that dragged on endlessly, nights out that filled us with degenerate energy and adventures around state college in search of new memories or simply an iced vanilla latte, we’ve surely had a jam-packed semester. And what are college students best at if not debriefing? Thus, let us begin.

Campus Wrapped
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Academics this semester were a little hard for you to keep up with. Your warm, cozy bed made getting up for class difficult. Playing the New York Times mini crossword and Wordle in class every day probably didn’t help your case either. However, you defied the odds and achieved some good grades. To reward yourself, you spent $241 on new going out clothes because you were tired of your options from first semester. Yikes…

In February, you stayed at THON for a whole 30 hours before you had to leave because frat flu symptoms were rapidly setting in. You also spent 30 hours in the last few weeks contemplating what outfit would match the vibe of both Dayglow and Sexyy Red at Movin’ On. You’ll figure it out eventually!

Congratulations! Your Yik Yak about the giant sperm balloon floating around the BJC during the Drake concert earned you 149 upvotes. What a great day to be a Champagne Papi fan.

You listened to some great music during the semester, and we’ve compiled your top artists below:

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Weekend Wrapped
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You really lived it up on the weekends and on spring break. However, you still spent 8 weekends wishing that it was a football Saturday. You dreamt about hanging out at a tailgate with your friends while amicable alumni pushed more food on your plate. Just wait until next fall champ!

State Patty’s was totally a movie, and you comedically Irish jigged for your friends 12 times that day. You killed it every single time. 4 fraternity brothers joined you in Irish dance at different moments throughout the day.

Throughout the past few weeks, you spent 1,072 minutes thinking about how excited you are to attend VALLEY launch and wear that cute sparkly dress with the strappy heels. You’re going to look fabulous!

Relationship Wrapped
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Between frat parties, bars and random excursions, you met quite a few characters. You had some fun, but probably didn’t meet your one true love. You were in the top 0.1% of delusional individuals who thought your situationship would become the love of your life. What a statistic!

However, you made some progress when you went on 3 coffee dates with the cutie from your stat class. You made eye contact with about 200 other cuties during the semester and daydreamed about them for an inordinate amount of time.


What a semester it’s been, and you made sure to give it your all. The word that best describes this semester for you is ‘confusion.’ Everything at this school confuses the hell out of you, from the math exam that leaves you scratching your head to the guy that you saw pouring a beer down his pants.

As this particular season of life comes to a close, you realize that you are grateful for so many things in the past 4 months. Cheers to the conclusion of an exciting semester and the commencement of a prosperous summer, Penn Staters.

What was the most memorable part of your semester? Let us know on Instagram @VALLEYmag.


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