Why do people break up?
So many times, it has to do with infidelity or falling out of love. Maybe one person even meets someone new. All these reasons are concrete and absolutely valid, but none of them apply to me.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year. Did he cheat? No. Did he stop loving me? No, again. Did he do anything wrong? Nope, not really. On paper, he truly is a perfect guy. He is thoughtful and kind. He opens doors and always wants to protects me from anything bad that could happen. He is good-looking and athletic.
So, why did I break up with him?
Well, I guess there’s no definitive answer to that question. I just stepped outside of our relationship and looked at it. I had changed as a person so much since I had been with him. I was dependent on him and truthfully, lost a piece of my own identity in the process. For a girl who was once very self-assured, I couldn’t believe how often I found myself not only wanting him, but needing him.
That scared me.
I never want myself, or anyone for that matter, to lose himself or herself for the sake of a relationship. That’s not what a healthy relationship should be. It’s not fair to either person.
To me, an ideal relationship would be where the two partners cultivate each other’s strengths and best attributes, not push them down. Working together as this amazing and equal partnership is the kind of relationship I want to work for, not one where I doubt my own identity. It took me a while to realize that our relationship no longer fit this ideal description. It hurt him and me so badly, but in the end I know it was the right decision to break up.
It’s never fun to hurt someone who honestly did nothing wrong, but sometimes you have to remember yourself in all of it. I don’t regret a second of my relationship and of course I am sad to see it come to an end, but change happens. Don’t stay with anyone because they are seemingly perfect.
Call me cliché, but the perfect guy isn’t always perfect for you.