College Crisis: I Hate My Boyfriend’s Girl Friends

She’s that girl you love to hate, and you hate that other people love. She’s somehow simultaneously the seemingly unattainable girl next door and just one of the boys. But you share one thing in common: you both have a close relationship with the same person.

If you’ve ever been in this situation before, a face may have just popped into your head. You know who she is —  she’s your boyfriend’s girl friend.

In relationships, it can be hard to cope with the feelings of envy, resentment and tough-to-admit jealousy toward the other females in your boyfriend’s life. Although you know the “right” thing to do is to sit down and discuss the issue in order to get your feelings out, it can be really difficult to accept your own jealousy and understand why you feel that way. Like most other situations, a key step in resolving your problems is admitting that you have a problem in the first place. Then, once you’re able to admit that you feel the way you do, it’s important to understand why.

Ask yourself some questions and dig deeper into why you have problems with your boyfriend’s female friend. Maybe you think she’s prettier than you, skinnier than you or smarter than you. Maybe you think she has better teeth, better hair or better skin than you. Or you might have a problem with the way she acts around your boyfriend. If you feel like she’s overstepping the boundaries of their platonic relationship, it’s important to speak up and say something. Whether you talk to her or to your boyfriend about the problem, you need to address it before it eats away at you and causes even more problems.

Although some of the issues you may have with your boyfriend’s friend may not be fully warranted, that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. As previously mentioned, it can be difficult to solve your problems without actively trying to and making an effort to create change.

The following are some ways to help you get past your hatred for your boyfriend’s best girl friend. These suggestions may seem totally unappealing and unrealistic, but it’s important to keep an open mind and think about how much better you’ll feel once you’re able to move on.

Get to Know Her

It may seem intimidating, but suggest that the three of you hang out sometime. What you decide to do together is totally up to you. Whether you grab lunch together, go to a party together, or start something as simple as a group text, it is a good opportunity to get to know her better.

What Exactly is Bothering You?

For you, it’s important to reflect on the situation and try to come to a resolution before doing anything drastic. If you find yourself struggling with the fact that she met your boyfriend first, just know that that doesn’t necessarily mean she knows him better than you. Romantic relationships can be far more intimate than any friendship. Of course, you know him in ways she doesn’t.

Talk Things Out

Another thing to keep in mind is that your boyfriend won’t know how you feel unless you tell him. Taking a leap and confessing to him that you have concerns regarding his relationship with his girl friend may make him mad, but it’s important to make sure he knows how much it upsets you. Once he’s aware of how their relationship makes you feel, he may change his behavior around his girl friend or even talk to her about changing her ways.

Remember, You Are His Girlfriend

And lastly, remember that your boyfriend is dating YOU. He’s not dating his female friend, and there’s a reason for that. By acknowledging your own insecurities and understanding why thinking about her makes your heart burn, you’re able to grow as a person and understand yourself, and your relationship, better. 


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