College Crisis: Blurred Lines

Our college years are full of dramatic “I’m not a grown up!” moments- mostly unexpected, and typically unwanted. Anonymous Valley writers discuss it all, from avoiding basic responsibilities to dealing with the big, bad future. Let’s talk about it.

In every relationship, there comes a time to talk about the future: a conversation so pivotal yet so volatile, it’s like waiting for a bomb to drop.

My personal catastrophe hit around 2 am last Thursday.

After weeks of dating Jason*, I found myself stuck in a grey area— somewhere between a casual hookup and a girlfriend. In an effort to remain unattached, I’d removed any expectation of this relationship developing into anything serious. But, the more we saw each other the harder it became for me to stay in this place. For the first time since I’d come to college, I craved a real relationship with someone.

I’d become the victim of my own blurred lines—where the definition of my relationship lacked anything but a definition. I just couldn’t shake my uncertainly about the future—our future, and it grew more intense every day. I wondered, did Jason feel the same way about me?

Iregardless of his answer, things between us were bound to change. I knew coming out of this that I’d either have a boyfriend or a, well… nothing. It was a high stakes game—all bets in.

The longer I waited to define the relationship, I knew my curiosity would only grow, and I saw this as an opportunity to be honest. So, there I stood at 2 a.m. in the kitchen of his apartment ready to dismantle our future.

The truth can be scary, but what good is taking a risk if you’re betting on the safest choice? In the best scenarios, the truth can help us grow. Once we take down the walls we think are protecting us, we’re able to see things for what they really are.

To ask Jason where he saw things going left me feeling more vulnerable than I’d ever been. For once, I was putting my heart on the line. But, what happened that night changed things for the best. In the moment of truth, we found clarity.

*name has been changed

Photo by Jana Bontrager