As Carrie Bradshaw once said, “I am looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
Before we find Mr. Big, we must venture through the love minefields of Petrovskys, Aidans and hopefully little to no Bergers (they break up with you via Post-Its.) The trial and error process of finding “the one” can be incredibly draining, so much so that the existence of true love is questioned.
With hopes hampered and hearts broken many times before, it is even possible to sometimes stay in falsely labeled fairy tales because we do not want to be alone.
Relationship comfort zones come in many forms. Both of you could be bored but neither want to let go because you are used to each other. Or, perhaps you always break up to make up because it is much easier than trying to find someone new. So instead, we become blinded by our desires, force true love and hide the truth of the matter: perhaps it is not meant to be.
Cycles and routines have a place in life but they can be counterproductive in love. These are some signs that you may need to take a moment and re-evaluate:
Rehearsed apologies, chances aplenty: Does this person know exactly what to say to make you forgive them for repeated bad behavior? If so, you may want to honestly ask yourself whether you truly make them work for your forgiveness.
Sweet dreams used to be made of this: The butterflies, the surprises and all the other little things that started in the beginning of the relationship may be distant memories now.
Penn State alumnus Kalyn Flournoy says, “If you have to ask yourself whether or not you are happy, nine times out of 10 you are not. I think a relationship should be a complement to, not a completion of your life. When it begins to feel like a task, a change may be needed.”
The three T’s you could think about when evaluating your current situation are:
Trust is arguably the most important element of any healthy functioning relationship. Without trust, the expiration date of your relationships comes faster than Mondays. Mistakes are inevitable.
2. True self
Can you unashamedly bare your soul to this person? Not only does this include your quirks or those OCD habits you are afraid to admit you have, but also your fears and insecurities. Do not lose your sense of self in order to accommodate another’s idea of who you should be.
3. In Tune
Are your two souls in tune with each other? Soulmates are mirror images of all that we are and aspire to be. While differences are to be expected, compromises on your belief system and principles are not.
Jaded hearts are most often not wise hearts. It is critical to make decisions from a place of clarity. Be a soldier of love but also know when you have fought the good fight. And know when to bow out gracefully…