For some of us, Valentine’s Day means candlelit restaurants, heart-shaped cards, and boxes brimming with diamonds. For the rest of the population, February 14th can only mean one thing: stuffing our faces with calorie-filled desserts. That’s right – a fair majority of us are going to have two dates this Valentine’s Day, and their names are Ben and Jerry.
You try to justify your undying love for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream as a Penn Stater by staking the claim that the company got its start at The Creamery, but we all know that when we’re halfway through a pint of Chubby Hubby that Penn State pride is the last thing on our spoons – I mean our minds.
With over 50 options to choose from, there’s no doubt that you have at least one B&J flavor that remains near and dear to your heart, and while you’re busy drowning your sorrows in creamy frozen goodness this Valentine’s Day, Valley wants you to consider – what does your favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor say about you?
You’re a romantic. You like your ice cream the same way you like your love life – sweet and chocolate covered (If you’re into that sort of thing…). Remember: enjoying this delicacy while watching The Notebook alone on the most romantic night of the year is almost like being on a date with Ryan Gosling. Almost.
You’re indecisive. To get Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough or Chocolate Fudge Brownie – that is the question. With Half Baked you don’t even have to choose. Just because you got the ice cream version of these two baked goods doesn’t make you any better than the rest of us who decided to eat an entire roll of actual cookie dough.
Scotchy Scotch Scotch
You’re a washed-up anchorman with a drinking problem. Who needs a stable, caring, and uhh… non-fictional man when you can have Ron Burgundy’s face on your ice cream carton this Valentine’s Day? To quote America’s favorite newsman, “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” It tastes just as classy as it sounds.
You’re a caffeine-addict. Not sure this late-night snack of choice can be considered an equivalent substitute for a 1 a.m. coffee run… but bonus points for your attempt to logically validate your purchase!
You’re outdoorsy. Instead of freezing your butt off in a cramped dorm room staring at your calculus textbook, you’d rather be snuggled up next to the campfire with your significant other (both wearing matching flannels because what else could be more adorable?). But, umm, this is awkward – it’s Valentine’s Day, there’s not even a scented candle in sight, and you’re single.
You’re a health freak who can’t resist the siren song of frozen dairy products. You should be proud for showing some restraint in choosing this low(er)-calorie option, but don’t be surprised if you get dirty looks from all the girls behind you in line at the cash register with their Chunky Monkeys in tow.
The sweet caress of a gentle touch, a soft whisper declaring eternal love, and the satisfaction of being loved for exactly who you are – these are all things we crave from a pint of our favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream this Valentine’s Day. Flaunt your relationship status (or lack thereof) by joining all your fellow single ladies in the freezer aisle this year, and be thankful Ben & Jerry know you better than any man could.
Photo by Kyle Biller