How PSU Can Help Fix a Broken Heart

Obrien_breakupcuresEveryone knows breakups suck. Taylor Swift sings about them, Miley Cyrus sings about them. But because we can’t all swing on a wrecking ball and turn our heartbreak into millions of dollars, we need something else to rely on to cheer us up. Good thing Penn State is fully equipped with all the things a girl needs to get over a bad breakup.

The Creamery

Since you no longer have a boy to cuddle with, a tub of ice cream from the creamery is the best replacement. Vanilla, chocolate, bittersweet mint, chocolate chip cookie dough, death by chocolate – take your pick! You can have any one you want to keep you company tonight while watching countless episodes of One Tree Hill on Netflix.

Order Up and Grub Hub

It has not been scientifically proven yet, but it is known that the consumption of an absurd amount of calories does contribute to the mending of a broken heart. And since you probably don’t feel like getting out of bed, it’s a good thing pretty much every unhealthy food place in State College delivers. There is or that list every place in State College and make it easy to order online. There’s a Fat Bitch with a side of Xtacy Fries waiting to cheer you up at Are U Hungry. So go get lost in the all that steak, cheese, chicken fingers, mozzarella stick, mayo, ketchup heaven.

The Gym

Since stuffing your face is now becoming a habit, you’re going to have to go to the gym, but it isn’t as horrible as it sounds. You can go to the fitness loft and stare at cute swimmer boys. Or you can go to the White Building and pretend to do curls with five pound weights and stare at boys. Or you can go to Rec Hall where the best view in the house is upstairs by the treadmills, and you can look down and stare at cute boys with big arms doing pull ups. I’m sorry, ex- boyfriend who? I’m lost in all the testosterone.

The Frats 

Put a tight black dress, your favorite heels and that Victoria Secret Bombshell bra and get your butt to frat row. Get a few of your best girl friends, preferably the ones that hate boys just as much as you do at the moment, and dance away. The party lights and the constant playing of Gas Pedal might be a little annoying after a while, but you definitely wont be concentrating on “he who should be not named.”

The Shopping

Don’t sit around in sweat pants and your ex’s sweatshirt all day. Go down town and buy some new clothes that make you feel pretty. There is something so empowering about swiping Dad’s credit card. Swipe away girl, swipe away.


Those people who are annoying you by trying to get you to go out and have fun, yes those are your friends. Remember you have those? Let them love you, and love them back. There are plenty of other boys at Penn State, approximately 21,000 actually, but your best friends will always be there for you. And Penn State is full of amazing people that will make you happy.

Young love is wonderful and fun. Good thing you go to Penn State though in case it starts to suck.

Photo by Alex O’Brien


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