Why Course Scheduling is the Worst Thing to Ever Happen to You

Breaking News: you’re old.

Seriously, are you really planning out your schedule for next semester? Who even does that? I guess your every waking moment is just one step closer to graduation. On a less melodramatic note, whether you’re ending your amazing freshman year, or getting ready to slam your head into the nearest wall as a rising senior, scheduling your classes is never something to look forward to.

Unfortunately, it’s that time of year again, and there’s a seemingly endless list of reasons why eLion and scheduling is the worst thing you’ll do in this life. So get ready to collect your handy bow and arrow and channel your inner Katniss. You’re about to enter the Penn State Hunter Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor (or the speed of your internet access.)

Lies and Slander

Seriously, can’t you sue people for lies on the Internet anymore? This is 2014! There’s got to be a way for justice to be served when it comes to the dishonesty and false hope that comes along with the scheduling system.

There 87 seats open 24 hours before you can log onto eLion, but the world just doesn’t love you enough apparently to save you a seat.

“It’s the worst thing ever when you check a certain class the day before, and things are looking great, and then when you go to actually schedule it, it ends up being full,” sophomore Sam Henderson said. “It ends up throwing off your entire plan and then you have to start over.”

Watchlist, here we come.

Is under-qualified a word?

You were smart beforehand and memorized your degree audit and your recommended academic plan. You’re even finishing up that one stupid 200-level course right now in order to take this stellar 400-level course next semester.

However, when you go to input it, apparently, your entire life is a lie. What do you mean you’re not authorized to take that class? You’re entering the major for crying out loud! You poor, unfortunate, under-qualified soul. Get ready to run to your advisor’s office at 8 a.m. with the hope that your seat remands open overnight. Yay.

Working up a sweat

Who said sitting on a computer doesn’t count as cardio? The masterminds behind “Insanity” clearly have never attended Penn State. Speeding and throwing your computer out the window all while simultaneously smashing your hands onto a keyboard fanatically can be just simply exhausting.

Also, rapidly copying and pasting while refreshing pages and crying all at the same time can really test your breathing control and hand-eye coordination. Who needs the gym anyway when you can just stress out over course registration?

Have a Life? Too bad.

Whoever decided that midnight was the perfect time to plan out your entire existence for the next several months must be some sort of sadist.

There actually are students who go to bed at normal, early hours of the night that might even find this time to work a bit traumatizing. Even if you’re awake at midnight anyway during the week, it’s still an annoying and random time to have to stop what you’re doing to enter the Hunger Games of all scheduling. Also, if you end up having to schedule on a Friday or Saturday night, it just throws off your entire weekend. Have fun pulling out your laptop at the bars, folks.