Thoughts You Have While Instagram Stalking

Photo by Susannah Foos

You do it. I do it. We all do it.

Whether you’re brave enough to openly admit it or not, everyone with an Instagram occasionally uses it for one guilty pleasure, and I’m not talking about selfies.

Stalking people on Instagram, whether you actually know these people or not, essentially comes with the turf of the app. Kids you graduated high school with, your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends, celebrities – no one is off limits.


Here are thoughts some of us have while giving in to our addiction, Insta stalking:

Hmm haven’t been on Instagram in a while, let’s see what I’ve missed.

Ugh this wifi sucks. Load. Load. LOAD.

Finally, god that was the longest 15 seconds of my life.

Aww a puppy! *Like*

Aww a baby! *Like*

Oooh a cute guy *triple Like*

Wait, what are the Kardashians up to?

Kendall, stop being perfect, it’s rude.

Did Kylie’s lips get even bigger?

I bet Kim and Kanye stalk themselves on here. I would if I were them. I wonder if North will make an Instagram soon? What am I saying? She’s a baby…

Back to my feed.

*Sees best friend in a picture with a new boy*

WHO IS THIS? A NEW BOY? And she didn’t tell me?? I’m hurt. I need to text her, but not until after I stalk this kid.

Please let his Instagram be open, please let his Instagram be open… YES. It’s open! Victory.

Oh okay he goes to her school… nice, nice. He plays baseball… VERY nice.

Aww he posts pictures with his little sister? He’s a family man, how cute. I approve. I better be maid of honor at that wedding, that’s all I’m saying.

Back to my feed.

CRAP. Why do I keep forgetting to unfollow *insert ex’s name here*??

Well, since he just posted a picture I might as well poke around his account. It’s been at least two days since I last looked at all his pictures that I’ve already seen 100 times.

Oh of course, OF COURSE, he posts a picture every weekend with his arm around a girl. Why am I just now noticing this? Ugh, and they’re all pretty, too. Dammit.

Whatever. He always posted pictures of us together so HA I was there first.

Wait…what…where are all our old pictures?! He deleted them? Oh real mature. Well, two can play that game, sir.

*goes to own account and deletes old pictures*

*smirks and pats self on back*


Stalking one person leads to stalking another, and an hour later, you’re on a friend of a friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s roommate’s Instagram. You close out of the app because it has just gone too far.

What now? Well, you haven’t stalked anyone on Twitter in a while…

1 Comment

Comments are closed.