If Wanting to Kiss Freshmen is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right

Obrien_wantingtokissafreshmanWe’ve all been there—you’re batting your lashes feverishly and aggressively giggling at his jokes and you’re about to go in for the kill when the inhumanely adorable specimen you’re flirting with drops the bomb – “Oh yeah, I’m a freshman, you?”

“Umm, oh! I… Oh hey! I think I see someone I know! Nice meeting you…”

You run to the nearest restroom and grab a hold of the sink, staring into the mirror. That was a freshman? They didn’t make ‘em like that when I was 18… Oh my god. I think I see a wrinkle. Who am I?!

Take a moment to breathe – this is not the end of the world, the earth is still spinning, you do not need Botox. What you’re experiencing is the onset of the Cougar Complex (yes, this is about to get very scientific), and luckily for you, you’re not alone. The siren song of first-year boys is a universal calling card, and while your instinct is to deny your weakness for this forbidden fruit, we’re going to argue that it’s more than okay to want to kiss a freshman, and here’s why:

They’re a little too confident

It’s a known fact: girls love a cocky guy who borders on being a tool. We apologize if this seems like an overgeneralization, but when it comes down to it, even girls who say they want a “nice guy” have fallen for the dude who carries a picture of himself wearing a muscle-shirt in his wallet at one time or another.

And why’s that? Because we love confidence and freshmen are just oozing with it.

Their “beards” are a little on the patchy side, their biceps are a little on the skinny side, and their pick-up lines are a little on the cheesy side, but in their mind, being in college makes all those shortcomings seem irrelevant, and we ladies can’t help but ask for a little bit of freshman on the side (if you catch our drift).

They remind you of your high school crush

Whether you were a homecoming queen or a tri-math-alon champion, you are forever haunted by the face of that one high school crush you were never quite able to snag. He was sweet, funny and the all-American boy, and now that a batch of fresh-out-of-high-school guys have taken over campus, you can’t help but feel a tug of nostalgia for that unreconciled teenage love.

They’re brand new to you

Just like a sweater from a thrift shop, freshman boys are new faces that seemingly come without a past. They’ve never seen you at your worst on a Friday night or dated your one friend who’s dated everybody on campus and it’s almost like a fresh start for you too.

You think there might be hope for a happy ending with this innocent boy who hasn’t as-of-yet been tainted by the college life. After all, one girl’s trash is another girl’s come-up, right?

They bring out your motherly instincts

Yup, we’re going there, and as if this article weren’t uncomfortable enough, we’re going to end with no ragrets (“not even a single letter” – We’re the Millers, anybody?). He’s young, he’s cute, and get this – he doesn’t know where the library is! Oh? Allow me show you, and maybe while we’re there we can grab a coffee together? A girl can dream…

Age is but a number, and luckily, most freshman guys in college no longer qualify as jailbait. Cougar-on without fear my lady lions, freshmen are people too, and what can we say – the heart wants what the heart wants. #Shameless

Photo by Alex O’Brien


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