The Celibate Slut

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It’s you, it’s me, it’s us.

The oxymoron that is the celibate slut entails this — a slut in theory but never in practice. Is there anything wrong with that? It does not harm. Except, maybe, to the ego.

We have heard it all — and probably through VALLEY as well — that participating in hook-up culture is toxic. There is a lot to be said, and a lot that has already been said about that. It’s all valid.

Hook-up culture does not directly condemn sex, but many still feel ashamed about their fascinations and desires. Their desire to be promiscuous, to be sexy, and most of all — to be desired. Sexuality is a beautiful thing to be explored. And it should be explored. Practicing celibacy when you are a self-proclaimed slut, though, that can get a little tricky.

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Self-Intimacy and Worth

What is the appeal to being a slut? Is it the external validation? Self-validation? Or, is it something so hyped up in your head that you feel the need to experience it for yourself? There are a multitude of reasons that will never suffice in answering that question. If you know, you know.

One facet that is undeniable is the desire to be desired. By someone else, or to yourself. You want someone to look at you passionately, and you want to look in the mirror and feel seductive. To get the benefits and the gratification, you first need to achieve personal self-intimacy and self-worth.

Many people jump into sexuality without a strong grip on their bodies in that way, which leaves you less than fulfilled. Experience is a great way to figure out what you like and don’t like, but you can also be without much experience and still know yourself — and your body — well.

As the cliché goes, you need to love yourself before you love someone else. The same applies to sex of any kind – a one night stand, with a significant other, with a consistent hook-up – you need to be comfortable with the act and you need to be sure within yourself.

Perhaps it takes a few clumsy, awkward experiences before you realize what you want out of sex and other slutty behaviors. This is one thing VALLEY cannot tell you how to do in steps: how you become comfortable with yourself through the notion of sex. This is all personal to each person, and there is no wrong way to achieve it.

Did She Just Call Me a Slut?

The demonization of the word slut ends here. From now on, everyone is a slut. If you have ever thought about sex before — congrats, you’re a slut!

As we know, being a slut is much harder in reality than it is in our heads. In your mind, you might be thinking the next time you go out, you will go home with someone. That is, until a person actually begins to talk you and you freak out and run to your friends. This is a perfectly normal thing to do because hooking up with someone, no matter who it is in whatever circumstance, can be super intimidating.

You might feel like the time is never right to act on the slutty side of you — but trust us, there will be a time where everything clicks together, and you feel free to do what you want.

Intentionally Celibate?

There are two paths in which the celibate slut can diverge in.

First, the celibate slut wants to experience sensuality at its finest without truly knowing what it is. They feel ready, but when it comes down to it, they actually aren’t. Celibacy, here, is less of a choice. The act of sex is exciting because it’s been either unexplored or underwhelming in the past, so they want to get to the good part now.

The second path traveled is when the celibate slut is intentionally celibate, knowing they don’t have to chase sexual pleasure until the right opportunity comes along. They feel no rush, and that type of control can be satisfying on its own. They let the celibacy leave when it wants, instead of trying to chase it away.

You can be intentionally celibate or you can be forced into celibacy. No matter what, the time will come when you meet someone else and will have the choice of pursuing something more. Never feel ashamed for wanting to have sex, or deciding that tonight is not the night to have sex.

Being a slut means that you are proud of your sexuality, pleasure and desires, which takes time to learn, even if you feel frustrated with the pace you’re at. Choosing everything at your own pace — now that’s slutty.

Be a slut, be celibate or be both and don’t let any guilt stop you from being promiscuous or not being promiscuous.

Act on your urges — but act safely. Always use protection and always be in the right state of mind. Choose yourself first. Sex can be more than just validation from other people — think about why you want to be so sexual before you dive into it. Metaphorically and literally.

There is nothing wrong with being a celibate slut, either. Even if it’s not a choice to be celibate, it is still always valid to desire intimacy of any kind. Most humans want it. Just don’t go too crazy, kids.

Follow @VALLEYMag on Instagram and let them know your thoughts on the celibate slut!

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