FALL 2025 COVER STAR: PRISMATIC EXISTENCE

In a fifth grade classroom, full of wandering minds and itchy uniforms, Emma Duffy stood out. A curious, spunky child, she often found herself on the outskirts of her classmates, though she never understood why. Sure, she followed her own set of trends and maybe she questioned the systems people obliged to, but that was just Emma being Emma … and thank god for that. 

Following the morning prayers at her small Catholic school, Emma fidgeted in her seat, unable to grasp that day’s concept in religion class: homosexuality. 

“I still remember sitting in class and doing the whole lesson about how homosexuality is a sin, and everybody’s just sitting there like, ‘Really?’” 

For many, you can consider, but you can’t question. The nine years Emma spent in Catholic school were well before she realized being gay was even an option. Looking back though, the closed off part of Emma’s identity made subtle hints. 

“From [a picture] in our religion textbook, I was like, ‘Oh my God, that girl is so pretty.’ This kid came to me and asked, ‘Are you a lesbian?’ And I was like, ‘No, no, of course not!’” But Emma’s thoughts did not match her words.

Fast forward to high school, and Emma starts at her local public school, where she begins meeting friends, joining clubs and chasing passions. An escape from the 30 kids she spent her whole life with was necessary, especially when they made her feel like an outsider. 

Molded In the Mantel

Looking back on her childhood, Emma recalls two phrases her parents instilled in her. The first being, “Whatever you want, make it happen.” The second? “Being gay is okay.” This was a phrase Emma first thought simply had a nice ring to it, but without realizing it, simultaneously internalized. 

When her friends started coming out to her in high school, her immediate thoughts were a mix of confusion and subtle disapproval. Although she didn’t believe in these reactions, the guilt she was taught to feel surrounding homosexuality rose inside her … that is, until her parents’ words appeared in her mind. “It stuck with me. I remembered that and I thought, maybe it is okay.”

Over COVID, Emma started exploring her sexual identity. With time for herself to reflect, she thought about the Catholic guilt that brought a sense of internalized homophobia. Emma considered, questioned and ultimately changed. 

The biggest thing about coming out was that I didn’t want to sit everybody down and be like, ‘Hey guys! Guess what, I’m gay!’ There’s no reason for me to say, ‘Hey, I’m different.’ It shouldn’t be like that.

Pressure Makes Sparkle

Two years later, she starts school at Penn State. The curious, spunky Emma is still inside her, but now with a greater sense of self. She’s the ultimate go-getter, and college is the place to get it all. 

“I wasn’t majorly involved my freshman year, but I was trying a bunch of stuff. I just couldn’t really stay committed because I was like, ‘Let me try this and that and this.’”

Emma made friends quickly, though she struggled to find her group. 

“After I started dating my girlfriend, it was a big transition because I think it became real for a lot of people. People that I was friendly with became less close to me because they realized, ‘Oh, she’s not joking.’”

Faced with the familiar feelings of confusion and loneliness from grade school, Emma fell into a state of isolation, desperate to be a part of a group that embraced her. But time and time again, that proved not to come so easily. She was stuck inside revolving doors, a cycle of only ever being seen as the ‘lesbian.’ These people knew her from so many other things, but all other impressions suddenly became irrelevant. 

In another effort to find her place, she went to a club meeting to learn more about hormone replacement therapy, a topic she felt passionate about helping with but knew little about. At the end of the session, Emma asked a question about accessibility. Instead of encouraging or relating to Emma, the director asked, “Are you a reporter?” Emma was stunned by the director’s assumption that she wasn’t part of their community, that she didn’t look the part.

That was definitely a real low for me, especially feeling like I didn’t really understand my own identity. Then I had to flip the script and think, ‘Well, I feel this way because of this, how can that not happen anymore?’

The Faces of a Diamond

Even with the size of Penn State, there are not many queer clubs. The ones that are operating have a small number of members and might feel cliquey to a newcomer.

“When I walked into a lot of these meetings, I didn’t feel very accepted because I didn’t feel like I looked queer enough for them.” 

With a lingering feeling of defeat and once again, loneliness, the words of Emma’s parents whispered inside her head, “Make it happen.”

Enter Kaxom, or KXO.

The original idea was to make Kaxom a queer co-fraternity. Although Emma had a positive experience within her sorority, she knew many others could not say the same. Her goal was to bring an uplifting, sorority dynamic to other queer individuals. 

The Office of Sorority and Fraternity Life supported this idea, but you need to have a nationals to be registered on campus, which unfortunately was a dead end. Emma then sought to make it a student org similar to others on campus. However, the Student Organization office combated the idea. 

“I thought, this isn’t going to stop it from happening. I already had an executive board, I already had people that wanted to be involved, so we switched gears and made it a service organization.”

All of a sudden, things started falling into place. Naturally, it took time to grow, but two years later, Kaxom now has over 200 members. Activity and service-based events throughout the week give people the chance to spend time doing things they love, within a community that makes them feel loved. 

I’m very out and proud most likely because my parents are super accepting, but if they said, ‘This is not okay, we don’t like you because of this,’ that would definitely prevent me from doing that. That’s how a lot of people’s [parents] are. So I know I can’t do anything about that, but I can create a community here for people where they feel accepted, loved and valued as a person.

Kaxom was a jump start for Emma in finding a connection to her community. She worked tirelessly to create a space where others could find themselves, and once she created it, she began to create herself. 

Crisp Beauty

No one is made up of one storyline. People are a mosaic of experiences and people in their lives. Emma is no different. Of course, a big part of her identity is her sexuality, but like everyone else, it is only a part. 

Up until this semester, Emma trained from 6-8 a.m., six days a week, as a member of the Penn State Crew team. After being an athlete her whole life, Emma sought to remain active and train alongside people with a similar drive, and by doing so, she met some amazing people. 

As a new member of Opulence, a Drag Ambassador group at Penn State, she’s pursued her longtime interest in drag and dazzles audiences with her Cathylick Cunt persona.

Last year, she won a grant from her proposal to study the queer community in Amsterdam. 

“What I’m interested in specifically is how social perceptions influence discrimination in different areas.”

An eight hour flight later and Emma touches down in Amsterdam, eager to explore. She spent the trip talking with locals, specifically along Reguliersdwarsstraat, the main street for Amsterdam’s gay community. 

“What I’ve determined [so far] is that social perception does influence discrimination. For example, in Amsterdam, they don’t know what DEI is. There’s no need for DEI because it’s established into the norms that you’re going to be accepting, it’s going to be diverse, you’re going to be curious.” 

You can bet Emma will continuously work to integrate that same perspective into the norms of our own societies. 

So again, the words, “Make it happen” appear in her head, and after everything she’s done, she’ll continue to do more.

I hate the quote, ‘Everything you want already exists,’ because it doesn’t. I don’t live by that because I’ve had to make it happen. You have the resources to do it, and everything can always happen, but how do you make it happen?

The Emma on the brink of graduating is not the same girl who first came to Penn State, nor is she the same girl who first came out or the girl learning that homosexuality is a sin. She is the Emma that she is today because of those versions of her and the many others she’s created since. 

A diamond that continues to shine light in a dark room.

And the thing is, you never see all sides of a diamond at once — they’re eternally prismatic.

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