Navigating Jealousy in Friendships

Friendships are one of the most beautiful things that life has to offer. They’re built on kindness, love and respect. They can sustain the most difficult hardships and heal from the deepest wounds. But, in every friendship, it is inevitable to become a little envious of the other party.

Wandering Eyes

Jealousy is human nature. Almost every human being has felt even a tiny bit jealous of another, whether it be a stranger on the internet or a relative. But, how can this arise in your friendships?

Becoming friends with someone can be really exciting at first, almost like a romantic relationship. You want to tell them everything and do everything together. You want to be by that person’s side as much as possible.

However, the dynamic can change over time as you get more comfortable with them. Maybe they’ve started to make passive jabs about your style when you’re together. Maybe you feel a sudden surge of hatred for them once they get a full-time job offer. In friendships, jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes.

Misery Loves Company

Jealousy is a powerful feeling and can go as far as to ruin some friendships, especially among women. In general, societal standards force women against one another; this concept does not shy away in friendships. Because we desperately crave female camaraderie, we tend to ignore these signs of envy, permitting passive insults and lingering looks.

This apparent jealousy is incredibly hard to acknowledge, because once it’s out, how do you start to deal with it?

For both parties, this is a horrible route to navigate. If you’re the jealous friend, these feelings are totally normal. When things become more difficult to bear in your own life, you can’t help but resent other people for thriving in those areas, even when it’s your own friend.

However, if you’re the other friend, this can be utterly exhausting. You want to celebrate your successes with your best friend, but you can’t help but feel apologetic when they’re wallowing in their own losses. In some cases, if a friend is dreading your every win in life while they’re behind, it may seem like they’re just not a good friend altogether.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

Though it may seem like an impossible scenario, there are ways to change your perspective. At the end of the day, what people think of you is not a reflection of yourself, but a reflection of themselves.

For example, some friends can be jealous of your success in school and work. This is not something you should be apologetic for; it’s what your own friend dreads about their own life. Setting clear boundaries and communication is incredibly important with this. If your friend is too clouded in judgement to move past it, it’s their issue, not yours.

Or, if you see your friend getting the most attention from other guys, you might envy her looks. This doesn’t mean she’s prettier than you, that’s just what you think. Experiencing jealousy with your close friends calls for a self-evaluation. What are you most insecure about? How can you reframe your mentality?

At the end of the day, you can’t completely change the course of your friendships. It’s a two-way street and a little envy will always come and go. No matter what, your real friends will be on your side,

Tweet us at @VALLEYmag if you have ever experienced jealousy in friendships!

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