Freak the Freak Out

As a kid, “Victorious” was my favorite show. I would scream each song at the top of my adolescent lungs with my older brother Ben, annoying the living crap out of my Mom to the point where the lyrics to each song were drilled into her head too. 

I had always looked up to Tori, Andre, Robbie, Beck, Cat and Jade. They were following their dreams in none other than the city of stars, Hollywood. “I’ll see you there someday.” I lamented at the end of each episode. 

If only I knew that someday would be today.

The Deliberation

I am a double major in English and digital and print journalism, meaning I am in the Bellisario College of Communications. Upon getting accepted into Penn State my senior year of high school, I had found out about a super cool program called “The Penn State Hollywood Program.” 

Each year sixteen rising juniors and seniors are selected to go abroad to Los Angeles to take a few classes and have an internship in the industry.

I had always loved the idea of the program. Off to work in the big leagues in the morning, In-N-Out lunch break, tanning by the pool in the afternoon and maybe even running into Jennefier Lopez or Leonardo DiCaprio on my way to get an Erewhon smoothie.

It sounded like younger Becca’s dream come true, but I had never really put too much thought into the whole idea. I didn’t want to miss a full semester at Penn State, especially because spring semester is THON. I didn’t want to leave my friends behind because of my massive FOMO (fear of missing out) but also because these girls were my sisters and the thought of not having them by my side was a scary realization.

Additionally, my parents being all the way on the other side of the country rather than four hours away in New York was something I couldn’t even think about.

Besides, how could I get into a program this selective? I was sure there were plenty of qualified people who could beat me out for the spot.

The Acceptation

I decided to apply to the program after receiving an email about it from Bellisario.

After submitting my application in February and finding out I got an interview, the next and final stage of the process, I realized that my fantasies could soon become my realities.

The Realization

The Sunday after the interview, I received an email. Upon checking the sender and reading the word “congratulations” I threw my phone across the room and sat straight up from a sleepy haze. 

My roommate, startled, asked what was wrong. She figured I forgot an assignment was due or an ex-boyfriend of mine came up on my Tinder, but after three simple words, “I did it.” She knew everything she needed to know.

 I called my other two best friends who live down the hallway into my room. Once I had them sat, I said with tears in my eyes, “I am going to Hollywood.” I was embraced by so much love and support.

 The tears were half excitement and half fear. I thought back to my favorite childhood show “Victorius” and remembered one specific song entitled “Freak the Freak Out,” and yes that is exactly what I was doing.

All my life: every internship, class, office hour I attended, exam I aced, led up to this moment.

My anxiety is raging, my sadness about leaving behind my friends and family is evident, but my elation for the fact that the rest of my life is about to begin trumps it all.

“I traded certainly for possibility and called it freedom.”

Related