On paper, everything may seem the same. You share the same house, come home to the same dinner, go on the same family vacations and heck, you even share the same parents. If you list it out, you and your sibling could argue that you had the same childhood and that makes sense, at first.
You were both raised on the same principles and went through all the same schooling. However, when we really take the time to think about the differences in the childhoods of siblings, we often find more differences than similarities. Childhood memories are less about lists and more about the viewpoint.
Different versions of a parent
Parents act differently towards their different children. A lot of the time, they don’t mean to but it is a human fault to naturally treat certain people differently. Even when it comes to their kids, sometimes, it may be easier or more likely for a parent to subconsciously take their anger out on one child over the other. In another light, parents may find it easier to have a flowing conversation with a specific child. In an ideal world, parents are able to foster the same connections with every one of their children. Unfortunately, the truth is that is simply not reality.
Same events, different memories
“The oldest has to take care of the younger siblings.” “Carry the suitcases up since you’re the brother.” “Go chaperone your sister tonight.” These are all ways society shapes sibling relationships to be refined into specific stereotypes. Quicker than some may think, these stereotypes have the ability to alter how one child may experience a situation compared to another. If the older sibling is stuck following the younger around during a family vacation, it is likely the younger sibling will remember the trip as the best time of their life, while the older sibling associates the vacation with memories of being an unpaid babysitter.
The eldest child
In many family cultures, it is expected of the eldest sibling to “carry the family name” or “represent the family.” This can be a lot of pressure for a child. In general, it is easy for younger siblings to remember that the oldest is the “guinea pig” of their family’s parenting. In other words, the oldest child is the one who gets tested on and undergoes the faulty parenting tactics, so by the time their parents get to the younger siblings, it is somewhat perfect.
What many times is often overlooked is how older siblings take a sacrifice, not by choice, to help their parents learn to parent. Because of this, it is often common to see older siblings have rougher childhood memories compared to their younger siblings.
Do you think you and your sibling had a similar childhood? Let us know @VALLEYmag on Instagram!
