If you’re someone who enjoys reading AITA and other online stories that spark controversy over social norms, you may have seen the phrase “the price of community is inconvenience” floating around. While it’s unclear where the quote originated from, the sentiment has been going around social media in recent months. There are variations like “everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager,” but the point remains the same: community requires people to be a little more selfless. The art of giving your friend a ride to the airport or helping them move has been lost, but VALLEY is here to help find it again.
Show Up
The easiest thing to do for your personal community is to show up. Even if your day felt like a series of unfortunate events, you should still go to your friend’s birthday or any other event you committed to. Too often, people prioritize “protecting their peace” and personal problems over contributing to their community. Although showing up is the first step, how you show up matters as well.
The idolization of the “Irish goodbye” reflects the awkwardness that people feel when they have to be vulnerable. Sometimes the party is too loud and crowded, but it doesn’t take a huge effort to say, “I had a great time! I’ll see you later!”
Life gets messy, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Often, a friend will have an event that’s really important to them, but maybe an ex or your crazy freshman year roommate will also be there. Feeling mildly uncomfortable for a few hours to support a friend is the price you have to pay for having a community. Sometimes, the events we dread the most turn out to be our favorite memories.
Individualistic vs. Collectivist Culture
American culture is notably individualistic compared to other countries. Harvard has a short webpage for international students to help them understand the different aspects of this culture, and one of the main points is how Americans view their time. Harvard said Americans view time as “a limited resource to be saved or spent for useful purposes.” There are some positive aspects to viewing time as precious, but perhaps we should reframe the idea of what is a good use of time.
Take time to help that random stranger on game day asking where the Berkey Creamery is. You were once lost walking this place, too. Some may find it dull, but small talk is significant. Even a small lighthearted conversation with people in line for the bar or at a concert can remind us we’re all human and looking for connection.
Small Acts, Big Impact
Complimenting someone on the street takes 15 seconds, but it could be a major confidence boost for them. The time spent to impact a community doesn’t have to be significant.
When it comes to larger favors, instead of thinking of them as transactional, think of favors as a role that everyone in the community has. There’s a friend who has a big car, a nice digital camera, professional photography skills, a perfect party apartment, the best relationship advice and so on. Contributing to your close community doesn’t have to cost a lot of money; it could be helping a friend go grocery shopping or helping them clean their apartment. Helping your family, friends, neighbors or even acquaintances should evoke positive feelings and make your time feel well spent.
The Quality of a Community
In an article from earlier this year by Time Magazine, author Mita Mallick explored this idea by recounting a dinner party that Mallick didn’t want to attend. Mallick emphasized putting energy into genuine connections instead of being social just to keep busy or because of the guilt of social obligations. Mallick asserts that if there is an annoyance from participating in the community, that it is most likely because they don’t feel valued by the other person.
It should go without saying that you should only put time and energy into people who give that energy back. The thing is, everyone is so worried about not having their energy be reciprocated that they don’t put themselves out there at all. Take this as a sign to not only strengthen your relationship with your family and friends, but to make new connections as well.
It’s not hard to see how beautiful a community is in a college town like Happy Valley, but as our lives change, it’s important to consider our communities. Cherish the time when your friends are a fifteen-minute walk away and the “real world” doesn’t get in the way.
Let us know your favorite ways to contribute to your community @VALLEYMag on Instagram or X!
