Think of a word to describe yourself. Most of us wouldn’t consider choosing something negative. We’d never call ourselves selfish, hypocritical or even immoral. To say that would be too harsh, and we do like to think of ourselves as good people after all. Yet, the truth is, we all carry these very traits with us. It is a quiet double standard we are all guilty of, excusing the wrongs we commit while condemning others for theirs.
This phenomenon describes us as “selective sinners,” and reveals how incredibly skilled we are at justifying our own choices while criticizing those others make.
We all have moral boundaries, but we can bend these limits when it comes to comfort or convenience. We could lie to protect ourselves from trouble, but look down on others for dishonesty. Or gossip “out of concern,” but when others do it, they are toxic and stirring the pot. These things we comfortably do every day, but since its familiar, they are easier to rationalize.
It can be as simple as explaining away, “I am not a bad person,” and continuing the behavior. We see ourselves and our own actions as complex, with reason behind all we do. For others, however, we cannot see their reasoning for acting the way they do, boiling it down to simply right and wrong.
The more we justify and differentiate ourselves, the more judgmental we become of others. Nobody is perfect in this world, but we must not only hold others to their moral compass, but ourselves as well.
If you ask multiple people what their idea of sin is, you’ll get different answers. To someone, it could be addiction, maybe greed for another. It is most often the ones that we don’t personally struggle with that we condemn the most.
Overcoming selective sinning starts with recognition. It doesn’t mean we need to look down upon ourselves or hold self-guilt. We need to understand that we are not perfect, just like everyone else around us. But we still must hold ourselves to the standards we have set for others, while showing them the same grace we give ourselves.
Do not look down upon yourself, realizing these patterns should not feel like a callout, but a reminder that morality is not just about our actions. Everyone is given the gift of choice, allowing us to make our own decisions between what is right and wrong. With this, we can accept that our actions are not perfect, but this honesty with ourselves opens the door to not only compassion but real change.
What will you do with the gift of choice? Let us know on Instagram @VALLEYmag!
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