Love Styles: What Are They And Who Are They?

The ancient Greeks created many words which describe the same concept: Love. They recognized that love is not “one size fits all” and the way individuals experience this feeling varies between them. 

John Alan Lee’s love style theory explains the different ways people can endure and express love, coined after the many terms that the Greeks invented. This theory has six styles, the fundamentals being eros, ludus and storge. The three other styles — agape, pragma and mania — are their combinations. All six of these styles have distinguishable ways individuals experience love and we can recognize them in ourselves, our relationships between family and friends and even in our favorite fictional characters.

Eros

Eros is “love focused on beauty and sexuality”, according to Solomon and Theiss. Erotic lovers focus on the appearance and sexuality of a partner. They’re confident, have difficulty controlling physical touch and are driven by attraction, says Marc B. Levy and Keith E. Davis. The physical qualities of a partner are a fundamental foundation of their partnership. This style of love reminds us of Puck and Quinn in “Glee”. They’re both attractive, confident and have a strictly physical relationship with each other for the most part. But once the excitement dies down, it never works out between them.

Ludus

Ludus is “Love that involves entertaining and exciting games”. Ludus lovers tend to avoid commitment, have multiple short-term partners, are rarely jealous and have a variety of physical types. This is the most similar to a “player” type out of all the love styles. One example of this type of lover would be Jacob from “Crazy, Stupid, Love” — he consistently flirts with and pursues women at the local bar and that relationship usually ends the next morning. He is confident, playful and looks at love like a game to play on the weekends. Well, until he met Hannah.

Storge

Storge is “Love that is peaceful and grounded in friendship”. For Storgic lovers, romantic relationships often start as friendships. They value common interests, security and strong companionship — a true “friends-to-lovers” situation. This love style is the epitome of Monica and Chandler from “Friends”. They’ve known each other since they were teenagers and throughout their 20s, their friendship developed into a romance. Their marriage is stable, secure and founded on comfort and friendship.  

Pragma

Pragma is “Love that is practical and meets specific criteria”, an overlap between Storge and Ludus. Pragmatic lovers are looking for “Mr. Right” — someone who fits their specific list of criteria in a partner. They heavily value compatibility and more personal qualities than sexual ones. They have the calculated motives of Ludus but the yearning for companionship from Storge. Elton from the movie “Clueless” is the perfect example of a pragmatic lover. He wants to be with Cher because they both come from wealthy families, are similarly attractive, are “put-together” and would theoretically be a couple that makes sense. His love for her is premeditated, but at the end of the day, he wants a serious relationship.

Mania

Mania is “Love that is dramatic, involving elation and depression” — a cross-over between Eros and Ludus. A manic lover is intense, uncertain, dependent and possessive of their love interest/partner. This love style contains the manipulative property of Ludus but the strong eagerness and desire of Eros. They closely observe and analyze their interactions with their partner/interest and may obsess over their relationship status, resulting in dramatic and passionate emotions. A manic lover could be compared to none other than Jay Gatsby, of course, from “The Great Gatsby” (2013). Gatsby dedicates a great deal of his life to winning over Daisy. He buys a house across from her, throws elaborate parties in hopes she’ll come and obsesses over the details of their time together.

Agape

Agape is a combination of Eros and Storge and can be defined as “Love that is compassionate and selfless.” Agapic love tends to be ideal in relationships and is characterized by selflessness, patience, gentleness and sexual restraint. They tend to be secure and lack jealousy and this love is by far the rarest of them all. It’s hard to pinpoint a character this close to perfection, but Noah from “The Notebook” strongly resembles this style. He sacrificed his safety, well-being and years of his life to regain and continue his relationship with Allie. Spoiler — even when she can’t remember who he is due to Alzheimer’s disease, he perseveres out of true love.

Which love style resonates with you? Let us know @VALLEYMag on Instagram. 

Related