Deep Diving

She stares at you with that deep, disturbing blue. The ocean — she rages. Sometimes she’s calm. 

How far are you willing to go? 

Will you step into her depths, not knowing who will meet you there? What will you find? 

People will only meet you as far as they are willing to meet themselves. It’s a tough pill to swallow but reflecting on ourselves may hold the key to building authentic relationships that last.

The Question of Emotional Depth

Are you afraid of your own depth?

Connections happen over something that is shared: experiences, goals, background, chemistry, etc. You’re drawn to their good looks, their vibrant social circle or their ambitions look promising. 

But something crucial is missing. 

They just don’t seem to meet you where you’re at. You’re deep-diving and they’re just skimming the surface. No matter how much you pry — how much you question, pushing them to explore with you — to explore each other, they can’t seem to budge. They’re just not interested in anything more than a simple transaction. They’re not willing to understand or to learn.

It’s Not Personal

It’s not you, it’s them — or so the saying goes. Sometimes, it’s true. When we fail to connect with our own inner truth, it’s difficult for us to connect with others. How can you relate to someone when you haven’t finished getting to know yourself?

You won’t always arrive “ready” for your relationships. You won’t always be the perfect friend, the perfect intern, the perfect boyfriend. You’re right to think that too much baggage and not enough work on yourself will weigh you down.

Yet, we get to meet ourselves through others. 

Engaging with people who are different from you opens your mind, potentially teaching you something new about yourself. This doesn’t happen on its own. You need to put out that energy, that thirst for genuine connection. 

Being comfortable in your own person will draw you to the right people. Suddenly, you identify what relationships can nourish both parties, which leave you feeling seen and which will consume you.

You might come to the conclusion that some people aren’t ready to meet you (even if you are), and that’s okay. Don’t lose yourself in others.

To Go or Not to Go

Will she take you as you are — without pretense, unconditionally? 

You see yourself in her waves, revolting something within you or maybe you can’t seem to find yourself reflected in her tumult. 

Don’t be afraid to walk away from connections that don’t nurture you. It’s not to say that your relationships need to be transactional, but a lack of mutual interest or respect for the connection can leave you feeling drained or even guilty.

Drawing the line at relations that don’t feel right might be the best you can do for yourself and the other person.

Choosing to walk away is a form of love too.

Take time to explore yourself more. Don’t abandon your own depths. 

What are your thoughts on building authentic connections? Let us know @VALLEYmag on X.

Related