College can be daunting, especially at a large university where being surrounded by thousands of people every day can somehow make you feel even more alone. Everyone offers the same advice: join clubs, meet new people, get involved. What they don’t always mention is how intimidating it is to be the one who has to walk into that meeting by yourself.
In the years since COVID-19 disrupted classrooms and social life, many students say something feels off. Conversations can stall. Demeanors seem more guarded. People are more in tune with their phones than the world around them. It’s as if everyone forgot, just a little, how to reach for one another. That makes putting yourself out there feel even riskier. But the heart of the college experience has always required a little risk. It’s about trying as many things as you can, meeting as many people as you can and accepting that not every attempt will land.
It’s Not Too Late
That message is for everyone, but it’s especially important for the upperclassmen who think they’ve missed their moment. It’s easy to believe that by junior or senior year, friend groups are solidified and you’re too old to join new clubs. It’s easy to tell yourself the ship has sailed. It hasn’t. The only thing getting in your way is the assumption that there is nothing left for you to gain.
On a campus as large as Penn State University, the scale alone can be overwhelming. Lecture halls are packed. Sidewalks are crowded with pedestrians and students on scooters nearly mowing you down. It’s tempting to shrink yourself. But finding a place — a club meeting, a student organization, even a weekly event you can commit to — makes the campus feel more manageable. It gives you ownership and turns something abstract and intimidating into something personal.
Ego Check
Yes, there may be a little humility involved. Being one of the only new upperclassmen in a room can bruise the ego. But college is not the place to protect your pride at the expense of your growth. No one is above putting in effort. In fact, the willingness to try — even if it means feeling slightly awkward — is what separates a forgettable semester from a life-changing one.
There is also a culture of nonchalance that hovers over campus life and young adults, a reluctance to appear too eager. But enthusiasm is not something to apologize for, and caring is not embarrassing. Going to that house show, smiling at strangers, saying yes to the random invitation, starting a conversation with the person next to you in class — none of that is embarrassing. Stop letting fear dictate your experience.
Go First
The reality is that everyone wants friends. Very few are willing to be the one who goes first. That first move might end in a short, awkward exchange. Fine. Redirect. Sit somewhere new tomorrow. Try again. Or it might lead to meeting someone who changes your entire college experience. You would be surprised by how many people are just as starved for a genuine interaction as you are.
Fear of missing out is real — and it lingers. It’s not usually about the party you skipped — it’s about the pattern of holding back. Years from now, you’re far more likely to regret not trying than to regret trying too hard. You don’t want to look back and wish you had been a little friendlier, a little braver or a little more willing to show up.
Becoming Socially Wealthy
Growth demands discomfort. If one club is not the right fit, move on. If one effort falls flat, brush it off. Challenging yourself socially is one of the most tangible ways to grow in college. No one else can build that confidence for you. It starts with small, deliberate choices: being kind, asking someone to grab coffee, inviting a new friend to tag along instead of going alone. It’s showing up and choosing to be the friendly face in the room instead of waiting to find one.
Not everyone is naturally extroverted. Some people will always find this easier. But these years offer a rare opportunity to become socially wealthy — to learn how to make people feel seen and heard, to create comfort in conversation, to build unexpected connections across differences. These skills last long after graduation.
These formative years can be scary to face alone. But the truth is, you’re not the only one who feels that way. Moving through college with an open and gracious heart requires vulnerability. It requires risking a little embarrassment for the chance at connection. More often than not, that risk is exactly what makes the experience worthwhile.
What are your thoughts and advice on getting involved and finding your people? Let us know on Instagram @VALLEYmag!
