Boy oh boy, is it hard to be a girl. Not every man can find identity in the hallmarks of masculinity, but harder yet is for them to engage with their femininity. While this is their own fault due to the patriarchy of it all, it’s women who uphold the societal standard of shaming men who embrace the feminine.
Casting Call Out
Some may call it gatekeeping when the girlies tell a man he “just wouldn’t get it” or “it’s not for him,” but there are other subtler ways one can discriminate against boys, too. Women tend to come up with cliche categories that minimize a man’s genuine interest, passion or personality relating to traditionally “girly” things.
A classic one of these is the role of the “gay best friend.” Numerous early 2000s movies and TV shows were introducing the “gay best friend” either directly or in subtler ways we now can see upon rewatch. Although this label isn’t directly negative, it’s a minimizing label nonetheless. Boiling down someone’s feminine attributes or confirmed sexuality to this generic label and idea of what a gay man can be is harmful to one’s identity.
In more recent years, the common subtle snubs have been “male manipulator” and “performative male.” These two categories of boys are made up of distinctive traits such as listening to female artists (Clairo, Fiona Apple, music of sad, indie-rock persuasion), accessorizing (painting nails, jewelry) and speaking more openly about their emotions. Critiquing these traits by using such labels leaves you sounding like a middle school bully, saying “the quiet girl” or “the nerd.”
Me, Myself & Misogyny
Is it really that deep? Well, yes, it’s more ingrained into how a woman thinks than you’d expect. While many can recognize and combat blatant acts of misogyny, conquering the internalized misogyny that society has built into girls since birth is a little more challenging.
According to the Journal of Integrated Social Sciences, internalized misogyny “occurs when women adopt learned sexist behaviors towards themselves and other women.” These sexist attitudes and systems of competition/comparison can reside deep within our perceptions without even realizing it.
When girls critique boys for wanting their outfit to look good so they can post it to a Jeff Buckley song, they’re engaging in this cycle of critique and comparison. Even though he isn’t in any direct competition with women, it can be subconsciously seen as such because of the sexist labels we assign to cultural symbols, even pop culture.
Think about it like this — if men made the same uproar over girls ordering matcha that they now receive, it would be seen as misogynistic and not as a generational joke. After all, the real mean girls are the ones who can get away with it right to your face.
Authentic Femininity
As we see the umbrella of gender identity and expression unfold over society these days, it’s important to tackle these deep-seated gender beliefs. As more men feel comfortable embracing their inner diva, women need to be able to embrace this side of them as well. It’s our turn to let them be “just one of the guys.”
