He’s just not that into you. We’ve all seen the movie and heard the words, but my question this week is this: when is it time to call it? In the age of dating apps, I have come to the conclusion that most men in State College are swiping until they aren’t.
With an endless supply of beautiful women and the confidence that comes from not having to present any social skills in order to get their attention, these boys have it made. Us girls, on the other hand, are un-ironically memorizing the “cool girl” monologue in order to remain impossibly unbothered and consistently impressive. Look good but not like you’re trying too hard. Answer back, but not too fast. Let him know you’re into him, but don’t make him think you expect anything. This trapeze act is performed without ever knowing how they feel. We just cross our fingers and hope our efforts will be returned.
In a kitchen discussion with my friends about male intentions, we were smacked with an alarming truth. The way these boys choose to connect with you off of dating apps says all you need to know about where their interests lie. To Snap or to text? These are the important questions. I have come to the conclusion that this choice is a very intentional one. Hear me out.
As we all begin to put on our big girl pants, the line between the appropriate form of communication has become deeply blurred. Adults don’t Snap — at least college kids with adult intentions such as a relationship — won’t Snap. Instead, they will opt for a phone number. Snapchat, on the other hand, is the safest medium for a hookup because your connection can be severed in seconds. Unless you plan on changing your phone number in the near future, giving it out is a commitment we don’t talk about enough.
Another source of my overthinking for the week is from Nick Vial’s new Tiktok series where he breaks down all of the little things that us girls think mean something in a “situationship.” He then goes in for the kill with, “and he’s still not your boyfriend.” With days without a response, to swift apologies followed by cancellations and good morning texts, I think it’s impossible to say for sure how into you he really is. Dating is a rollercoaster, and my overarching advice for this week is to be sure you are ready for the ride. When you are spending all of your time trying to figure out where they stand, it’s easy to forget to evaluate your own emotions. Games are fun until they aren’t, and remember if he wanted to, he would.
This week, as I write my article with a much needed and very stiff drink, I encourage all of you to do what I am about to: ask. Reaching the point where you would rather be rejected than continue down the road of not knowing is the worst, but you’ll get there girlies…bottoms up!
Let me know how you deal with highs and lows of college dating! DM, @valleymag, on Instagram, and spill the tea!