Unfortunately, it’s 2014, and most scary movies honestly are not that great anymore (give or take a few cinematically amazing ones. Talkin’ bout you “Annabelle” and “The Conjuring”). The same types of things happen in every single one. There’s some sort of affair between the main character’s best friend and their current love interest, usually nudity is involved. This distracts them as the killer creeps closer. There’s a girl who, of course, is wearing stilettos, trips over a fallen tree branch, and crashes to the ground before her masked pursuer wins the race. How tragic.
Still, despite the clichés and inevitable disappointments of watching a recent or not-so-recent horror movie, it still is incredibly fun to ask yourself a very simple question with a not-so-simple answer–how exactly would I do if I were inserted into a horror movie? Luckily, Valley has got your back. Take this short quiz and find out if you’re the last one in or first one out. Happy Halloween!
1. BAM! You hear a loud noise when you’re in hiding. You react by…
a. OMGGTFO YOU // TOTALLY // DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS AND YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE WIFI. You scream for help. And for Instagram.
b. I’m sure that noise was nothing. Let’s keep moving, gang!
c. Stay still in place and listen more closely to see if it repeats and pin the location.
2. What’s better than taking a selfie in a haunted house? You spot someone in the background that ain’t supposed to be there..
a. UHM,… This is MY selfie that this random NOBODY is interfering with it. You totally need to stand up for yourself and scream in his face to move.
b. Ask him to join! The more the merrier, right?
c. Run like absolute hell. Don’t even look in the mirror. You just don’t.
3. The time for joking has passed: You’re being chased. You..
a. Scream for help while attempting to call 911 while attempting to not ruin your hair while attempting to escape through the backyard that happens to be a woods
b. Someone is bound to notice you’re missing and come save you. Try to hide.
c. Anything can be used as a weapon. Break off a tree branch and face them dead on. Make sure it’s sharp!
4. You managed to escape your attacker and now have to pick a place to hide inside of another house. You choose..
a. Under the bed with your mouth covered. Classic.
b. The linen closet. They totally won’t find you there.
c. Who hides in one spot? Follow your attacker behind as close as you can, dodging their vision along the way.
5. What’s the first thing you do when you get into your hiding place?
a. Make sure you tweet others to alert them where you are.
b. Nothing. Your spot is great the way it is! Just wait it out.
c. Make sure in your spot you have some sort of weapon readily available.
Congratulations! You couldn’t be more of a cliché. You’ll probably die by running through a particularly dark forest and tripping over a tree branch that essentially emerged out of nowhere. Probably, due to this random fall, your ankle will break. You’ll hiss in pain, clutching your ankle, while attempting to crawl away for your life. He totally isn’t going to get you at that speed! Just kidding.
You are the life of the party and the nicest person on planet earth. People love you! You may even see the world through a kaleidoscope of rainbows and puppies. Unfortunately, this wide-eyed view of life is bound to keep you way too optimistic, leaving you in the horror movie as the guy they send first to open the door. You’re probably going to get eaten. Let’s hope you’re delicious. Go out with some dignity.
Destiny’s Child is probably playing in the background right now, because whoever you are, you’re definitely a survivor. You’re that unlikely person that is left standing alone by the end of the movie. You knew how to make weapons out of everything and how to properly hide. You also probably didn’t scream at all, either. Go on and teach others how to be just as badass.