Nittany Lyin’: 10 Things Penn State Doesn’t Tell You

Photo by Ruijia Zhang

With Big Ten football, an unbelievable alumni network, and an unparalleled social scene, it’s no secret that Penn State has one of the most loyal and enthusiastic student bodies in the nation. Any Penn Stater could easily argue (and win) that we attend the best school. It takes a Penn Stater to really know the ins and outs of Penn State and that includes the things that our orientation and tour guides “forget” to tell us before we begin the best four years.

1. Chipotle line on Saturdays

After wandering back from a Fratland tailgate, daylong or friends apartment, you have the ingenious idea to go grab some Chipotle. Mind, money and heart set on those chips and guac, your dreams are soon shattered by the line that is wrapped around the restaurant and out the door onto the street. Before having your world crumble before you, you probably thought that Chipotle would be readily available.

2. Weekends begin on Thursdays

TGIT! It’s the weekend! Didn’t you know? Don’t even think about scheduling a class before noon on Friday because the weekend festivities start Thursday night and you will still be recovering on Friday morning.

3. No Snow Days

With the exception of last year’s supernatural occurrence of a snow day, there will literally never be a snow day. No matter how cold, icy, and dangerous it is outside, Penn State will have 24/7 snowplows clearing the sidewalks so that you can trek your way through a blizzard to walk to the lecture you so desperately want to go to.

4. The Shortlidge Slip

Whether you are the most coordinated person or not, you will inevitably suffer the embarrassment of wiping out on an icy Shortlidge Road at least once during the four years you spend at Penn State. So, don’t get your hopes up about the heated sidewalks that you may have heard rumors about. Just think of your fall as an initiation of becoming a real Penn State student!

5. RIP Meal Points

Chick-fil-A, McAlisters, and Jamba Juice. The HUB is filled with some unbelievable food options that will also annihilate your meal points faster than you can say Panda Express. So if you thought that eating in the HUB everyday was a great idea, you’ll be eating Cup Noodles in your room for the remainder of the semester.

6. “You can’t sit with us!!!” – The Loop

The one day that you decide to take the bus to class because of the rain or snow, the bus is at maximum capacity. Unless you want to stand uncomfortably close to a stranger on the ride across campus, you will end up walking through the storm.

7. Keep in Touch?

You move into a dorm for the first time and promise to call home every day to check in with Mom. As much as you love your family, school and extracurriculars at Penn State have a tendency to make you forget about that promise you made to your mom. You’ll be lucky if she remembers who you are the next time you remember to touch base.

8. Laundry

Now that you are an independent college student who doesn’t need mom or anyone to do your laundry, you take on the responsibility yourself. At Penn State, if you don’t take your laundry out as soon as that timer on the machine runs out, your clothes will mostly likely end up wet or dry, on the ground. There’s nothing like knowing that a stranger just touched your underwear.

9. Everyone is an athlete

Here at Penn State, every student should be allowed to call themselves an athlete. The amount that students have to walk to get to each class or to a party on the weekends should be considered a sport in itself. Calf muscles, check. Sweating, check. Sore feet, check. I’d say we are all qualified to wear one of those trendy Nike backpacks that legitimate athletes have.

10. WE ARE

From the outside, a person can observe that Penn State has school spirit, knows how to have a good time, and has a top notch athletic program. A true Penn Stater gets to discover that this place is one of the most unique environments to experience college. It’s impossible to explain the energy of standing amongst the student body during the first touchdown of a football game or at the end of THON when the total is announced. The Penn State community has so much to be proud of and we are so lucky to be a part of this unbelievable group.



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