It’s official – dating isn’t fun anymore. We know what you’re thinking, but no, we are not talking about Tinder and Hinge. Dating sites are not what have ultimately sucked the fun out of dating. We have.
In the past few years, we seem to have forgotten that dating is supposed to be fun. We place so much pressure on ourselves trying to find the perfect person that we stick ourselves in situations we are not happy in. We have stopped trusting that our relationships will happen organically and instead force them to work, changing ourselves and out standards in fear of having to start over. But why have we seen this huge shift in the dating scene?
The S Word
That dreaded S Word. Soulmate. We throw around the word like it’s their first name. “But what if he’s my soulmate!” and “Would your soulmate act like that?” becoming the reasoning for everything. Why do we place this “soulmate” expectation on every person that we go out with? Why do we have this tendency to hold everyone we view romantically to this impossibly high standard?
If you have been in a relationship for 3 years, then obviously you should believe that the person you are dating is your soulmate. You should think they are the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. However, why are we placing this same “soulmate” expectation on the guy you met on Hinge last week? You’ve gone to dinner once, why are we picking apart if he would be a good husband or not?
You learn more about people with time, and over time you may discover that you have no interest in dating this person. Or, you may discover a relationship and a connection that you did not think would come about originally. But forcing ourselves to stay in relationships that either A) don’t make us happy, or B) don’t have room for growth simply because we fear that we could be throwing away the “love of our life” doesn’t benefit anyone.
Learning About Ourselves
Dating is not just a long search for the love of your life, dating is also about discovering things about yourself you did not know. This could be what you do or do not want in a relationship, how you need to receive love or what you deserve out of yourself and out of a partner. Dating shows us these things, and we often learn the most from going out with people who are NOT the love of our life.
We’re not saying to lower your standards or date anyone who comes along in the sake of “lessons,” but what we are saying is to stop putting so much pressure on dating. Not every person you go out with has to be soulmate material. Putting too much pressure on our dating lives sucks the fun out of it. Remember – dating is supposed to be fun! So hey, go out with that guy you matched with on Tinder. Even if he may not be your soulmate, who knows what could happen.
What are your thoughts on the dating scene right now? Let us know by mentioning @VALLEYmag on X!
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