If State College Apartment Buildings Were Guys

Zucker_ifaptswereboysOnce you’ve survived a year of wearing flip flops in the shower and attending mandatory floor meetings with an overly enthusiastic RA, you are finally free to find a new home and the options are endless (well, sort of). Whether it’s on East College or West Beaver or any street in between, the apartments of State College certainly all have their quirks and well, personalities.

What if these personalities were to come to life? If they were, say, Penn State guys, what type would they be?

We’ve all had to take those sciences courses to fulfill a gen-ed requirement, possibly a basic biology or geology or some other -ology you don’t really care about. Almost always, there’s that one introverted guy who sits in the back completely alone but is secretly really into the class. He doesn’t say a word except for when the professor calls on him. That guy? Yeah, he’s University Terrace. Located all the way back on Bellaire Ave, UT is a bit of a hike from campus. On top of being far from campus, it is far from well, nearly everything else too. Just like that guy.

Not as secluded as University Terrace, but certainly still well down E. College Ave is the Meridian. Think of the Meridian this way. An inseparable group of three best friends who have known each other since grade school, these boys love to throw a good party. Regardless of what day of the week it is, these guys are the ones who always have music blasting, a stocked fridge and an open door. On a Tuesday night before a midterm worth half your final grade, you want nothing more than to scream at these three amigos to quiet down. But the weekend after that midterm when all you want to do is celebrate the end of your countless hours of studying, they become your best friends.

Cedarbrook apartments are in a great central location on Beaver Ave, and you can certainly have a great time there. Just like Cedarbrook, we all know a guy who also has to be at the center of everything. He has to know where the best party is, who the easiest professor for a certain class is, everything. He always finds a way to be the focus of everyone’s attention and sometimes gets a little too competitive (especially with the guy equivalent of his frenemy and neighbor, Beaver Hill.) Don’t get me wrong, this guy is tons of fun. It’s just that leaning over the balcony from the sixth or seventh floor every weekend and yelling crude things to the pedestrians innocently trying to get their Canyon Pizza on the street below eventually stops being funny and starts being an immature cry for attention.

Located on campus, Nittany Apartments in human male form would easily be our school’s athletes. These are the tall, in-shape, more than likely strikingly attractive guys walking around campus in official Penn State sweatpants and zip-ups. These guys travel strictly in packs of no less than four and depending on whom they are, you may even be able to catch freshman girls staring at them in the dining commons, jaws dropped. You’ll rarely see them with guys other than those on their team, but they are certainly still nice to see.

The list of apartments in State College and the qualities that make them unique places to live goes far beyond this collection. Each is special to its residents and each has its pros as well as cons. So, when you are searching for that perfect fit for the following school year, maybe think of the buildings as boys. It’s more fun and hey, it might make the decision process a little bit easier.

Photo by Ashley Zucker


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