How to Turn Jealousy into Motivation

Let’s face it: We’ve all been jealous of someone at some point in our lives. Whether it because of their looks, their job or the relationship they’re in, it’s unfortunately easy to wish your life was different.

In fact, this is natural. Behavioral expert Dr. John Demartini explains that “jealousy is a biological, built-in system for fear of loss of something that we value.” 

When someone or something comes into our life that seems like a threat, we innately react. While the concept of jealousy has a negative connotation, at its root, it is the desire to protect what is most important to you. 

To be specific, when you’re worried someone is going to take what you have, you’re jealous. However, when you simply want what someone else has, it’s envy.

Whatever you choose to call it, those negative feelings can become toxic. Instead, turn them into a positive, motivating force to better your own life. VALLEY has some tips to help steer you onto the right path.

Figure out what exactly is making you feel this way

Sometimes, you don’t even realize why you’re feeling this way in the first place. Being envious of someone else’s job may indicate that you’re not happy with the career you’re in or you aren’t sure how to get your dream job.

Wishing your relationship is like the one you watch on YouTube, may mean you need to figure out why you’re not happy with your own relationship or how you can find someone you feel compatible with. 

On the other hand, you might not necessarily want that specific job, boyfriend or vacation. Instead, you might just want the feelings (success, love, adventure) that come with it. Understanding your feelings is the first step to making a change in your own life.

Someone else’s life does not belittle your own

Saying “I’ll never have what they have,” is easy….but it will get you nowhere. Tell yourself (and truly believe) that you CAN have what they have — and make that intention a part of your own unique story!

Social media isn’t real life

Think about your own Instagram. You most likely aren’t documenting every moment you feel sad or upset. Most people display the highlights of their life online — not the low points.

Just because one part of someone’s life may seem perfect, doesn’t mean every aspect is just as amazing. Practice thinking this any time you find yourself down a never-ending rabbit hole of comparison. 

Just remember, the most helpful people will share the good and bad. Rianne Meijer‘s Instagram shows people everywhere, that with a change in angle, your body can change.

Photo posted by Rianne Meijer on Instagram
Photo posted by Rianne Meijer on Instagram
Work on bettering yourself

Stop putting yourself down because your life doesn’t look like someone else’s. Come up with concrete ways to work on yourself and move toward your goals!

Perhaps you feel envious of someone else’s style.

Research the different types of stores this person shops. Pinterest is a great resource to find a variety of outfits. There are plenty of “dupes” of expensive clothing that can work just as well.

You don’t need to transform your entire wardrobe in one day either. Select five different key pieces that seem to appear in your most-desired outfits (such as a black leather jacket, a thick headband and high-waisted jeans) and keep them in your mind when shopping. Start small and incorporate these core items into your closet first. Make it your own and have fun with it.

This video by “Bestdressed” on Youtube is a perfect video to guide you into finding your style.

Or maybe someone has your dream job.

Following this person on social media is a great way to learn about what they do in their daily work life. In addition, LinkedIn is a helpful resource to communicate and gain insight to the lives of said person! Typically, you’re able to see someones career unfold right on their profile — starting from their college career into their professional career. It also allows you to talk to one another. Most people are glad to talk for a bit about how they got to where they are and offer some form of advice.

Be sure to limit the number of aspirational accounts you follow and only choose ones that uplift you.

Looking for a podcast that is going to inspire you to chase after your dreams? VALLEY recommends “Manifest with Tori DeSimone.” As a young entrepreneur herself, DeSimone goes into detail about what she does every day to achieve her goals.

Remember the amazing things about yourself

While someone else can serve as inspiration, it’s still important to remember just how far you’ve already come. 

Maybe you want to be in a relationship or you want your body to look a certain way. While it’s certainly okay to work on these things (such as putting yourself out there more and trying different workout routines), being kind to yourself should be a top priority. Recognize that we are all on different paths in life going at our own speeds, and that’s okay.

Turning your jealousy and envy into motivation and inspiration is no easy task, but it can be a way to transform your life. 


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