Love is a crazy concept. Its emotions are like bombs that could be set off at any second. “Love makes you crazy” isn’t just a saying but an honest statement. When it comes to relationships, there are so many theories, but the theory that your first love follows you around like a lingering shadow is one of the toughest to grasp.
The First Love
Every “first” carries intense emotions and memories. Your first day of school, your first friendship, your first car—these are all milestones that allow for a mix of good and bad memories, along with the emotions that accompany them.
The same goes for your first love, but multiplied by ten. Meeting someone at such a young age and connecting with them on a level you never thought possible is both exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Even though it’s intimidating and new, there’s something that tells you to let all of these emotions flood in.
Losing this love can feel like losing a part of yourself. It’s as if a piece of you is gone, and you have no idea how to rebuild it. As a result, you end up starting from scratch, trying to piece yourself back together. This first love often shapes your view of relationships, teaching you what you want—and what you don’t—in a future partner.
Nostalgia
After your first love, you often look back at it with a sentimental heart. You’ll look back at pictures or videos and often times idealize the relationship. This idealization can lead you to believe that the relationship was better than it was or cause you to forget all of the negative impacts it had. When all of the negative is shield away from you, it becomes harder to move on.
Looking back at the relationship with rose-colored glasses causes nostalgia; it makes you believe that you miss that person more than you do. You see this person in everything. It’s almost as if they’re following you. Their street name pops up randomly, their favorite number or one of their favorite movies. It doesn’t matter if it’s been three months or three years, all of these symbols follow you like a lost puppy and you can’t help but ask yourself why.
The Psychological Impact
The loss of a first love is the hardest. It teaches you how to lose people in the future and how not to lose yourself in others. In the moment, it feels like the whole world is caving in on you. You don’t know how to act or how to feel. Everyone asks what they can do to help, telling you that it will get better, but nothing seems to help. Those words start to feel repetitive.
Healing takes time—everyone grieves in different ways and everyone heals at their own pace. Eventually, you reach a point where you stop looking at the pictures, their name no longer pops into your mind and you stop talking about them. You look back on the relationship, on the person you used to be and on the person you’ve become. You realize how much you’ve grown and changed.
This heartbreak taught you things nothing else could have. It shaped you into the person you are now.
That’s the funny thing about the first love theory, though: no matter how much time has passed, how healed you feel, they still seem to linger and follow you around like your own shadow.
What’s your experience with the first love theory? Let us know on our Instagram @VALLEYmag!
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