In relationships, there are few things that make your stomach sink more than hearing the words, “we need to talk”. This phrase has become a codeword of sorts- less of an actual constructive conversation between two people and more like a one-way ticket to Splitsville. As painful as this inevitable “talk” may be, one can always be reassured that there are other fish in the sea and moving on will come eventually. That is, unless you’re breaking up with your best friend.
The relationship between a girl and her best friend is complex. These dynamic friendships hold more secrets between them than Gretchen Wieners’ hair and are often have as many layers as a trifle cake. This being said, a breakup between them can leave the deepest wounds and freshest cuts.
Fighting with a best friend can leave you wading in a mess of sticky situations. Saying things you don’t mean could potentially damage your relationship forever and unlike with your boyfriend, mutual friends often become involved and pick sides, fueling the fire. It doesn’t take long before a small miscommunication can become full blown war. So what are you to do when you find yourself in a BFF minefield? Follow these steps to ensure that you and your bestie are back together in no time!
Remove yourself from the situation
If you’re human, you’re likely to get fired up during a heated argument. Maybe your friend just can’t see things your way or you’ve simply just been pushed over the edge. Regardless of the reason for the fight, remove yourself from the situation when you feel like things are getting too hot. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and say things you don’t mean so be careful. Give yourself enough time to cool down and think about your actions and words.
Take time for yourself
Honoring your “me-time” is vital when it comes to allowing yourself an opportunity to chill and think about what just happened. Turn off your phone to avoid unnecessary “he said-she said” drama and find a quiet place to indulge in something you know will make you feel better. Assessing the situation with a clear head and optimistic attitude will ensure you’re thinking realistically about the problem. Is your friend just having a rough day? Could you have been more understanding? Did she say something that hurt your feelings? Be your own jury and think about what the issue really is here.
Set up a meeting
After thinking about what you’d like to say to your BFF, set up a time when the two of you can talk calmly. Meet somewhere convenient for the both of you where you can apologize and discuss the situation. Good spots around campus are Starbucks, the HUB, or a common room. Avoid having this discussion at a party where alcohol is involved.
Make goals for your friendship
Show up to the meeting with goals in mind. Know what you’ll do moving forward to improve your friendship. Coming prepared with a solution can help you and your bestie solve the problem quickly and avoid new issues being brought up. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to apologize first. Breaking the ice with “I’m sorry” is easier to do than breaking up a friendship that you’ve valued for years.
Photo by Audrey Cillo